The Rapture Was Stopped! This will drop you to the floor! True Story! 100% Proof!
In 2001 American Christian radio host Harold Camping made a prediction that the Rapture would occur on May 21st 2011. Most did not believe him.
On the fateful day before on May 20th 2011 the famous wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage died of a cardiac arrhythmia while driving. It is unknown as to whether this was divine intervention or simply from excessive consumption of Slim Jims, but either way he ascended to Heaven.
When he got there he snapped into a Slim Jim causing his muscles to grow just like when Popeye eats spinach. First he had to take out Jesus’s bodygaurd Andre The Giant and then he layed a vicious flying elbow into Jesus’s spine, effectively stopping the rapture.
In doing this he has proved that he is The Savior of all of Mankind. We all owe a special thanks to the Macho Man for saving us from an untimely death.
Some people have an alternate belief that the Macho Man went peacefully to heaven and was the only one raptured and worthy of Heaven. If this is the case he’s probably drinking a fifth of Jack Daniels and eating Slim Jims with Jesus and God right now.
Regardless of what really happened it is now known that instead of saying Amen after a prayer (in homage to the God of Egypt) we must now say “Snap into a Slim Jim! Ooh Yeah!”
Thanks Macho Man.
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Whistler Blowers, Insiders
Thank you, Macho Man, Randy Savage, for hitting the white-skinned mangod right in the small of the back with a sneak attack!
I guess the hippie lookin white-skinned mangod Fable just is NOT so god-like after all!
SCREW the Rapture!
And, pin that white-skinned mangod to the mat for the count, Randy!
Then, smoke a Big, heavenly grown blunt of pure cannabis for me!!!!
Normally I don’t agree with you but that last sentence was something we can all agree on.
I agree fully with your blunt smoking idea.
Red man, how can someone who enjoys a fat blunt be so vulgar and have so much hate?
That’s a good question Scanner Darko.
He tires of clucking nonsense and moocow central scrutinizing crowpie
I never trusted that jesus fool any ways. Get em randy! ooh yeah!
but don’t snap into meat as in a slim jim, it is bad for you.
Brilliant!!!!! Best Rapture article of all time!!!!
Thanks. I had to read your name twice before I got it. That’s funny stuff.