New Satirical Ad Masterfully Trolls Congress, DEA and Drug War

By Carey Wedler

On Wednesday, a new satirical ad that mocks the DEA will run in the congressional newspaper, Roll Call. It is a parody job listing that describes the ideal candidate to head the DEA. The listing contains information from the Drug Policy Alliance’s “The Scandal-Ridden DEA: Everything You Need to Know,” published last month.

The mock advertisement comes on the heels of the disgraceful resignation of Bush-appointed administrator, Michelle Leonhart, who failed to terminate agents caught in cartel funded, drug-filled parties with prostitutes. Perhaps more offensively, she repeatedly refused to concede that cannabis was not as dangerous as heroin or crack.

The ad skewers nearly every aspect of the DEA’s scandals and policies as part of a campaign to influence President Obama’s selection for a new administrator. It begins with the statement that the DEA is looking for a new chief to “prolong the failed war on drugs.”

It continues:

“The ideal candidate should have at least ten years experience turning a blind eye to scandal and corruption, be adept at undermining the Bill of Rights, and have a firm and unwavering commitment to the status quo. You must also be a self-starter, as this position comes with little congressional oversight.”

The ad goes on to boast that job perks include “…wasting billions of taxpayers’ dollars at your discretion and great vacation opportunities.”

It then addresses deeper issues with the DEA and War on Drugs, sharply criticizing some of its most violative, police state tactics. It addresses mass incarceration:

“You will fill U.S. prisons with people for non-violent drug offenses, disproportionately people of color.”

It criticizes the fact that those imprisoned receive felony convictions and are thereby disadvantaged when they re-enter the work force.

The ad then specifically addresses violations of privacy committed by the DEA:

“You will spy on virtually all Americans without a warrant, systematically fabricate investigations to rob defendants of their right to a fair trial, seize people’s property even if they’re never charged or convicted of any crime, and violently bust into thousands of homes in para-military style no-knock raids. A lack of respect for the 4th amendment is crucial for this position.”

Next, the listing shifts focus, mocking the DEA’s refusal to accept marijuana as medicine. It says,
“You will block marijuana research at every turn and ignore established science. We prefer applicants without a scientific background.”

After a section on subverting democracy by violating state’s rights, the sovereignty of other nations, and increasing prohibition related violence, the ad closes with a final quip on human rights. It accuses the DEA of working with foreign governments that torture and execute individuals suspected of drug-related “crimes.”

A note underneath the listing clarifies that the ad is satirical and urges readers to “take action to reform the DEA and support [the DPA’s] work at drugpolicy.org/DEA.”

In a statement about the ad, Executive Director of the DPA, Ethan Nadelmann, said

Drug prohibition, like alcohol Prohibition, breeds crime, corruption, and violence—and creates a situation where law enforcement officers must risk their lives in a fight that can’t be won…It’s time to reform not just the DEA but broader U.S. and global drug policy. The optimal drug policy would reduce the role of criminalization and the criminal justice system in drug control to the greatest extent possible, while protecting public safety and health.

It is unlikely the ad will change the minds of Drug Warring congressional representatives or President Obama; but, at the very least, it offers a hilarious — and much needed — indictment of the agency’s monumental failures.

Carey Wedler writes for TheAntiMedia.org, where this article first appeared. Tune in to the Anti-Media radio show Monday through Friday @ 11pm Eastern/8pm Pacific.