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The Spiritual Suicide Vibe

Wednesday, April 19, 2017 7:43
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Author: Soren Dreier

Good people are saying: ‘I see no more point in this, when I wake up I feel like the only sensible thing to do is putting an end to this life and it’s the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep’.

This is not financially related but seems to be a state of mind in people traveling the spirituality/awakening trail.

The downtrodden in austerity-ridden countries are killing themselves in numbers, well, I only have to read the Southern European and the U.S. Papers to understand that economy is reason to commit suicide. Just goes to show what power finances have over people, and if it dries out like a Californian riverbed, the choice is to end life.

There would be better ways to deal with poverty, but somewhere I get it — don’t follow the logics, since finances has too much authority in the Matrix anyhow, in a society that measures personal success in life by the things you are able to iPurchase, or just plain being able to feed your family.

Reading such stories, breaks my heart and on an ‘awakening’ note, it seems like the Matrix really doesn’t mind, hence: There would be no manufactured crises and people wouldn’t be left to live on the streets. Folks are killing themselves on a lie of a dream.

Most people who are hit by this other vibe have gone through years of spiritual awakening, and are well aware of the matrix and its construct. Yet, still, their eyes and souls stray to the heavens in a deep longing for home.

So it is not an ‘ego-kill-off’, it comes from a deeper place:

The souls gone tired and it makes the hearts implode, retract into some vibe where there seem only to be sadness and hurt. Not self-indulging and not seeing himself or herself as a victim of anything: ‘Just’ a very deep feeling of purposelessness, a feel of:

‘What can I do?’

‘This world isn’t going to change’

‘I’ll leave this world to itself’

‘I’m so lonesome’

‘No friends on my trail’

‘I long for my real home among the stars’

‘I can’t find ‘holy’ anymore’

Are some of the words I hear.

Obliviously I had some doubts whether to write about this, but the wave is too massive and too synchronistic to let it slip away.

So lets look at this state of mind – state of Zero.

First thing that strikes me is that a suicide, if it is not a reaction to the matrix, normally takes the route of a depression. A genuine psychological depression that is. But the heart people here don’t have that Matrix defined anatomy of a depression which would indicate as symptoms: No appetite, no sex drive, mostly sleeping, no action — life is halted and the famous light that goes through the cracks and over shines the mind seems to be on a long term vacation — incognito — not to be found.

A Matrix depression takes statistically 2.5 years to go through. So anyway, folks that fall under that category is really not clinically depressed — they are just feeling low, and the Pill popping fix it al Big Pharma fake daylight, makes it down their throats. Treating a bit of moodiness with mind-altering Matrix chemistry just creates a new dependency on the Matrix and it’s wonderfully well-trained psychiatrist, home doctors and what have we. Shame on them = follow the money.

Normally a ‘life-suffering’ being that doesn’t believe in either spirituality or awakening — is right!
There is something profoundly wrong in this life, in this persons life, and that is a paradox, since that would be the turning point in this person life in witch he or she could go: ‘I am’ — instead of ‘I exist’. And the matrix cleverly dulls those moments of longing/insight down at warp speed.
People don’t awake when they are feeling good — no, they awake when feeling low, since their measurement of the programming in which they live is correct: It is hollow, evil, cold as steel and the matrix wants you to trade cold comfort for change.

What a deception.

For the spiritually engaged it has a different cause or causes.

Often we have been where I just described, dodged the pharmaceutical bullets and came out okay by the rapture and promises in a new found spirituality, which has its consciousness locked into the exposure of the patterns that imprisons us. That is very liberating and we: ‘Understand’ the mechanics we got tangled up in and sets out to dissolve them.

So far so good.

There seem to be two ways here:

The first way I never fully understood, I would like to label it as: ‘easy going-everything is blue and cool and I´m so connected all the time and its all a matter of smoothies, cleansing and loving everybody and for me that is easy and I’m totally into the law of attraction and abundance’.

I don’t see it as real, and that is probably my fault.

I don’t see it as real, maybe a doorway in the big spirituality realm, but that’s it.

The second way, is partly based on suffering. Suffering as goes for: I really have to fight all this programming, I really have to be on my toes in order not to get sucked into new Matrixes, that’s stands in line like cheap telephone salesmen offering me all the connection I want to the celestial or where ever my soul wants to connect.

Yes, in the midst of ‘we are all one’-I’m addressing solitude, isolation and the feeling that should come, even though it never will be greeted at the doorway of: Loneliness. And I’m not addressing people who don’t have a partner, family, friends and such.

I’m addressing an existential feeling of loneliness, which embeds the feeling of purposelessness, and if you have family, friends and a love one, maybe even kids:

That feeling is ever so hurtful that it feels like it can rip your soul apart. Tangled up in guilt over not being able to relate, plug in, to the people who love you the most and the ones you love the most.

Stripped naked you become, feeling inadequate and don’t know your position in what ever landscape you’re traveling and feeling empty. Hollow, and worthless of loving.

That’s where the mind strays to ending it, because you feel dead already. So, maybe not kill yourself twice here, but allow yourself to understand how you got there.

You are 40 days in the desert.

You detached, and it’s so easy to write — which many do: ‘Detach – detach, is the way to freedom’.

Well, it is — but sometimes they forget or they don’t know, how to describe that process, since its hollow words, if they haven’t gone there themselves. The salesmen and woman on the awakening fair apparently just poured out some easy said slogans — but have absolutely no understanding of the metaphysics involved.

I’ve said all along: This spiritual awakening is highly personal. It is not collective. First individual — then the collective impact. Never the other way around, that is the Matrix version 2.0.

Now I am going to say something that’s going to piss the main stream awakening off, but I´m kinda used to that:

To understand the metaphysics in the spiritual awakening process we have to understand the esoterics in Christianity, NOT in a religious way, well, your welcome to do so, but in a psychological way.

Not the Matrix based psychology of the ego — which I already touched upon = the Matrix treatment, but as maybe — just maybe, a genuine compass for the lost soul.

The vortex point, the healing vortex point in all this is to understand:

That we are transforming our horizontal attachment (The Matrix and all of its seductions) into vertical attachment: The God force, the universe, the synchronicity, and the celestial. And that absolutely doesn’t have to be religious, it ‘just’ has to be spiritual.
Spiritual as in: Whatever makes your soul go: Whoopi.

But: It doesn’t happen overnight. That is why the 40 days in the desert, is such a brilliant metaphor and also for many: a physical reality.

When we let go: ‘God’ doesn’t necessarily step in. As Einstein said: God hides in the ether, in the synchronicity. But as this low-key point, synchronicity doesn’t show, since if it did — we would know the way out. We leave the desert when it does.

So there is a gap, a psychological sink hole here that we seem to fall into until we can plug into a spiritual reality that is based on a higher vibe that the one we disengaged from. And it is all about disengage, before we engage again.

And that’s hurtful.

It is a raven flying in the dark night looking for a weary shoulder to sit on and whisper word of discontent into our metaphysical ears.

The best thing to do is listen to it, it sounds a bit counterproductive but it isn’t, since we have to face our lowest point in order to rise again.

And the lowest point would be: I see no reason for this anymore – I am lost — not to be saved — so I will cut my wrist now.

In order to speak freely, some take that option and does it.
Not the smartest thing to do – I can understand it though — but not cool, since it would make a Karmic rebound, and we would have to go through those dark realms again.

I don’t believe in the Matrix of suicide, as being a pathway to hell. It’s a Matrix construct. But I do believe in cause and effect.

So what could help here?

There is a Dao that says something like: ‘ In times of distress and confusion lower your ambitions’.

So at this point, where you actually consider putting and end to it all, maybe adjust your ambitions.

Did you want to save the world?

That’s good, but maybe safe yourself first.

Do you want to be a spiritual teacher?

That’s good; right now you are the student. Not by books — but by learning by doing. This would be the real teacher in this world of hollow drums and the ‘3 ways to know that you are incarnated’ segment.

Do you want to be one with it all?

Accept yourself and embrace your shadow, and you are approaching the perimeter of Oneness.

Get the ambition away, it will come back, but for now get it away from the world, and focus on your world. Right now, as I mentioned, your heart is imploding not exploding. So maybe examine that ambition. Since it is an ambition to luuuuve everybody, to love what’s around you and hiding in plain sight.

At this point it all could boil down to this, and from here you will thrive if you surrender to it. Often the ‘truth,’ isn’t that ambitious or glory, glory. But it is Holy. Holy hides in the little things.

Start using your senses.

Try smell the flowers.
Pay attention to nature.
Paint a picture, write a poem.
Take a hike in the mountains.
Walk down the city streets and sense the life there.
Go to a playground and pick up the joy of life in the children’s voices.

Or what you can think of.


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  • goastdale

    123’s of true Christianity v popular & damnable heresies
    (simply because you “confess” it does not mean you actually are, the devil has deceived many of his own children to believe they are Christians 2Tim 3:5)

    “WHO” it was (what person) that came “IN THE FLESH”, IS THE DETERMINING FACTOR IN WHAT IT MEANS TO BE “ANT-CHRIST”! Even Islam claims Jesus was the Jewish messiah/Christ who was to come in the flesh) they all deny “WHO” it was (what person) that came (to be the Christ) in the flesh!?!…….To deny the father is to deny the son because they are one and the same person that came in the flesh!

    JOHN 14: 8-20 where Christ specifically identifies himself (his person as the person of both the father and the HS; the only distinction is in “location” and “method of manifestation” …….Note Isaiah 9:6. For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: …: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counseller, … the everlasting Father ….The son, father/Holy Spirit are all the same person, NOT like two different persons working together even as “one flesh” ….The “oneness” between Christ and the father is not comparable to a man & his wife, for only a fool would say “When you have seen me you have seen my wife, how sayest thou then, Shew us your wife?” Notice they asked to see THE FATHER and the response was Jn 14:9 ..“HAVE I BEEN SO LONG time with you, and yet hast THOU NOT KNOW ME, Philip…..Now image some fool trying to claim that statement if you asked to see his wife!?!!? You want to see the FATHER but have I been with you but you don’t know me!?!?!

    Jn 14 continued….…………..17. Even THE SPIRIT OF TRUTH; (Jn 14:6 I AM the way, THE TRUTH,) whom the world cannot receive, .. for HE DEWLLETH WITH YOU, (present tense/standing next to them in the flesh) and SHALL BE IN YOU… (future tense “In them”) 18. I will not leave you comfortless: I WILL COME TO YOU (future tense “In them”) Note: The spirit of Christ is the sprit of God and the holy spirit that is why Christ said “I will come to you” (to comfort them, because Christ is the comforter). The spirit was standing next to them in flesh… ….latter it would come to them to be inside of them (inside of their flesh as the spirit we are given)…..that is why. he would send the spirit…… However, Jesus himself here makes the point that the same person who was the HOLY SPIRIT that would come was standing next to them but lets them know “I will come to you again to be Inside of you”

    The whole point to Gal 3:20.a mediator is NOT A MEDIATOR OF ONE, (HEIS) but GOD IS ONE. (HEIS) again, point blank, identifies the number of persons of God! The “but” points out the contrast between multiple persons in a mediation party v the “one” of God. God is not like a mediation party with multiple different persons. …..”the express image of his person” ( the person of God; singular not plural).Any attempt to lay claim otherwise is willful ignorance and delusional nonsense

    NOTE: don’t be that one in prov 26:12 over my use of the word “fool” here prov 18:13 ( ) “But but, the gospel of John…the Gospel of John …look look…” which is quite ironic since the gospel of John does not leave ANY room for multiple different persons of Jesus and father. However the gospel of John does leave a few verses that facilitate God’s promise in 2 Thess 2:11/ Isaiah 66:4 (take note of “HAND” in verse 2,14..You just can’t make this stuff up…God is surely laughing at these fools; Ps 2:1&4)

    ……Mark 12:28…Which is the first commandment of all? 29. …Hear, O Israel; THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD: 30. And ………..this is the first commandment….. 31. And the second is…..

    TRINITARIANS CONFESS JESUS /THEY ARE NOT POLYTHEIST BUT ARE MONOTHEIST LIKE A LIAR & THIEF WHO “CONFESS” THEY DO NOT LIE OR STEAL The simple fact is that just because you confess or deny that you are in an adulterous relationship and denounce all forms of adultery has nothing to do with whether or not it is in fact adulterous! .. …A rose by any other name is still just a rose AND calling it a water lily does not change the definition of what a water Lilly or a rose is either!…No, Trinitarians confess & preach literally …”ANOTHER JESUS” 2 Cor 11:4

    - Like a thief in your house caught stealing your things insisting he was not there stealing “I CONFESS I am NOT stealing”. You just do not “properly understand” what he is doing/saying. Further, since you never had a “proper understanding” of what he is doing/saying you have no business accusing him since you do not even know what you are talking about in the first place. It is with and in your own ignorance that you base your “false accusations” & “ad homonym attacks” against him…… Ridiculous of course it is ……2Thess 2:11; Titus 1:16; 2Tim 3:5;

    - A Favorite tool for pathological liars is to use incongruent definitions or create oxymorons out of synonyms such as “a person” and “a being” so as to claim that your god is THREE DIFFERENT PERSONS but ONLY ONE BEING: Which is (1) no different then trying to claim that “THREE DIFFERENT CARS” is “THE ONE VEHICLE” (2) blatant demonstration of the dishonesty & sorcery these children of hell will employ with “a strait face” (which is in part what it means to be a pathological liar)
    ……but, ah i remember how this game is played… “God is three in one” (or 1in 3 or 3in one et al) should have given you a hint, harking back to Satan in The garden…God said you will die…Satan comes along and states no you will be more WISE……today .God said He is one; but Satan’s children come along and say no three is more WISE and humble in the face of God’s grandeur only “a mystery” that can be understood “in faith”. God uses head and right arm to explain the distinctions between father and son.. However, the Trinitarian heretics say to the effect: “NO, that is just a figure of speech, or that is not what God really means. What God is really saying is that God is three different persons”. Fools, hypocrites and blind guides, God said he was One and by your traditions and vain imaginations have taken the words of God and made them of no effect, refashioning God into your image!

    You can download the complete FREE book from

    #2 SECOND COMING Thou Fool! “I come quickly” so “Hold fast
    till i come”… NOT …“in another 2000 yrs I might be coming soon any time now, so hold fast”!?! …those that deny the second coming of Christ in the war of AD70 are practicing a damnable heresy in denying the lord that bought them ( 2Peter 2:1-2 ;2Tim 4:8/ you cant love an appearing you deny& the context is the 2nd coming not the first)… Mat 7:23..”I NEVER KNEW YOU” …..Mat 10:33. But whosoever shall deny me before men……..sound familiar?…. If I said I am coming to your house in this generation when these things happen but no one knows the day or hour what fool would think I might be coming in 2000 years latter!?!? ..2 Tim 4: 4. And
    they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be TURNED UNTO FABLES.
    2Thess 2: 11. And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: 12. That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.



    #3 There is a sharp contrast between THREE groups :

    (1) “PREDESTINED DAMNED” who were NEVER written in the book of life ………..Rev 17: 8 WHOSE NAMES WERE NOT WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF LIFE FROM THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD, …as contrasted …EPH 1: 4. According as he hath CHOSEN US in him BEFORE THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD

    (2) “MANY CALLED”= ONLY and ALL SAINTS (those who come to Christ) are written in the book of life … Philippians 4:3… ……Rev 21:27; (Only saints are Called and elect; Rom 1:6-7 et al) This is THE CHRUCH and ONLY these can have their names blotted out of the book of life ….….Heb 12:23 to the general assembly and CHURCH of the firstborn … WHICH ………are WRITTEN in heaven,

    (3) THE FEW CHOSEN: Those saints who were alive in group #2 who are now physically dead. They died “faithful” these are the FEW that were chosen faithful…….Rev 3:5. ……; and I
    will not BLOT OUT HIS NAME OUT OF THE BOOK OF LIFE, (Ps 69:28) …. These are the FEW that are CHOSEN and now that they have died and are saved then “once saved THEY CAN NEVER BE LOST”

    Predestination….its true..its all true…download here

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