Chapter 37: How to Deal with a 21st Century American Woman--What if she wants to lead?

 By Frosty Wooldridge

          In the 70s, Gloria Steinem preached for equality between the­ sexes.  Her contention was, and still is, that men must move ­toward cultural parity with women.  She wants men to share in the ­housework and child rearing.  The feminist queen demands equal­ pay and political power.  She demands that men be more like ­women.

          A few men might accept househusband jobs, and many men have­ strong paternal instincts.  However, if she expects most men to­ care for children like mothers do, she’s ignoring millions of­ years of genetic programming in males to hunt for food, i.e., in ­present day terms–their jobs beyond home.  It’s bad enough that ­Western industrialized society already makes men’s traditional ­roles extremely difficult to fulfill.  Much marital strife and­ divorce can be traced to unhappy men in useless jobs that­ dehumanize them.  “Factory rats” are merely cogs on a wheel that­ builds a car, which means nothing to them–except a paycheck.

          Steinem wants women to share power with men.  In other ­words, she wants women to become more like men…brawlers,­ spitters, cursing, hard drinking, back room chiselers and the ­like.  Or, does she want men to become more like women–refined, passive, nesters, childbearers and wearers of lipstick?

          That’s why men and women’s confusion runs deeper by the­ minute, like the Mississippi River rising during spring flooding. ­ With too much snowmelt, it overruns its banks.  The same thing is ­happening with men and women–we’re confused with each other and­ responding by overrunning our genetic boundaries.  We’re trying to ­change genetic coding and making ourselves something we’re not. ­ Some women buy it hook line and sinker–because they’re angry­ about being second banana for so long.  We can’t blame them, but­ we can’t give it up so easily. 

          We’re in favor of equality of the sexes.  At the same time,­ we stand for being a man.

          If a woman wants to lead on the dance floor, it’s time to­ find another partner.  Because if you don’t, you’ll end up with a ­woman who is against you being a man.  Men lead and women follow­ in the realm of dance.  Both roles are equally important for the dance to be smooth and flowing.  If she doesn’t like the way you­ dance to the music, find a woman who knows how to follow when you­ lead.  Find a lady who likes the same music as you.  Yes, this is ­an analogy using dancing, but for anyone who doesn’t dance, it’s simple to make the transition in any aspect of life.

          If you stay and she succeeds in moving you toward being more­ like a woman, she’ll detest what you’ve become, because ­biologically and emotionally, she needs a man.  You need a woman–not a cop, combat pilot, Army officer or construction worker—but ­a woman–receptive, feminine and giving.  At the same point, when ­you hold your ground as a man–make a stand–she will accept­ being a woman.

          Steinem needs to wear a dress.  It would help her identity ­crisis.

          Along with equality, you’ll find a new generation of women ­who feel entitled.  They want privileges men enjoy, but don’t­ want to pay their fair share of the price or do the work.  If you­ get that kind of attitude problem from a woman you’re dating,­ it’s time to make tracks.

          There’s another question begging an answer in the 21^st century.  Do ­you lose your freedom when you get married?

          Freedom as a single male, and freedom as a married person­ change drastically.  While single, you answer to no one.  You can ­come and go–when and where you please.  However, you’re not as ­free as you might think.  The fact is, when you’re single, you’re looking for a lady.  When you’re got her, you may feel trapped,­ but you feel more alive because you’re paired with a mate.  ­Therefore, you’re not trapped.  It’s the same when you like your­ job; you go to work happy because you love doing what you do.  If ­you hate your job, then you’re trapped.  The same goes for a ­mate.  The key is to find a relationship where you feel wonderful­ because you like being with your lady.  She helps you express ­your freedom.

          Does a man give up his fun and wildly free bachelor days ­when he reaches the altar? 

It depends on the woman he marries. ­ If she’s more an adventurer/doer type, she’ll accompany him on ­his outings and it’ll be fun and he won’t feel trapped.  If he’s­ like most men, he’ll marry a nester and she’ll want to stay home. ­If he’s also non-adventure prone, he won’t feel trapped.  He’ll ­enjoy that life style or he’ll work for a few trips a year when­ he can go with his buddies, i.e., deer camp, fishing trip, or ski ­weekend.

          Once a man fathers a baby, yes, he’s accountable for a ­parental role.  He’s responsible for that child for 18 years. ­Does he lose his freedom?  No, because he chose to father the ­child.  His new choice of freedom is being a father.  Parenting­ his child may be one of the greatest adventures in his life.  ­It’s the most important job in our society.

          On freedom and marriage, you may want to explore it further ­with your mate.  Do each of you understand that your “freedom and­ joy” spring from a paradox of: Helping the other person still be themselves and grow.  What is there to fight with in a mate if ­the one you chase embraces this idea?  You then bend to give love ­as a conscious choice to your beloved.  Therefore, if they are­ driven to being an artist or a disciplined athlete, the other ­mate supports in that path.  It goes both ways for men and women.

          Why do women want marriage more than men do?  Gloria Steinem ­won’t admit it, but women want marriage for safety and security. ­ For us, it means we can’t openly roam for greener grass on the­ other side of the pasture fence–even though we keep thinking­ about it and wanting it.  Call it ‘testosterone over-ride’ if you­ like.

          If you’re a stallion, keep prancing until you’re tired of­ the ‘greener grass’ out there.  Don’t marry anyone until you’re­ sick and tired of roaming.  You need to return love as much as­ enjoying it being given to you by a woman.  You must move toward ­a level of maturity and sense of wanting to be responsible for­ it.  Otherwise, you’ll marry too soon, have extra marital affairs ­and end up getting your butt kicked–emotionally, financially and ­in worse ways you haven’t thought about at this time.

          As we said, life rolls along in stages.  You can set each­ stage of your life as you wish.  Do you want complete freedom­ until you’re thirty or forty.  It’s easy–don’t get married or­ father a child.  Do you want children at 20 so they’ll be gone ­when you turn forty?  If you want none at all, it’s your choice.  ­You can be a wild, carefree stud your whole life.  Look at the­ flamboyant movie star, Warren Beatty.  He didn’t have any kids until he was 55.  At 59, he fathered his fourth (adding to overpopulation problems we might add).  He partied ­until his late 50s when he decided on fatherhood.  Did he lose ­his freedom at fifty-six?  Our bet is that he’s happy being a ­father and it has given his life a newer, deeper meaning, and­ fulfillment.

          Freedom means different things to different men.  In this ­country, you maintain absolute control as to how you want to­ proceed.  You can be a big shot in a small company or a small­ shot in a big company.  You can own your own company.  You can­ live in a small town where everyone knows you or in a big town­ where nobody knows you.  You have a choice of hundreds of­ religions or none at all.  Life in the tropics?  Move to Florida.  ­Fry your body in the desert?  Try Gila Bend, Arizona.  Freeze­ your fanny off?  Head for Nome, Alaska.  You can get married at ­18 or wait until you’re 48, or not at all.  Want a college­ degree?  Go back to school at 70!  Write a book?  Start now.  Be ­an actor?  Tryouts start every week across America.  The game of­ life is totally in your hands.

          Make the score and the drama anything you want.  You can­ lead or follow.  Win or lose.  It’s your ball game.  As James­ Allen wrote:

          “As you think, you travel; and as you love you attract.  You­ are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be ­tomorrow where your thoughts take you.  You can not escape the­ result of your thoughts, but you can endure and learn…You will­ realize the vision (not the idle wish) of your heart, be it base ­or beautiful….for you will always gravitate towards that which ­you, secretly, most love.  Whatever your present environment may­be, you will fall, remain or rise with your thoughts, your­ vision, your ideal.  You will become as small as your controlling­ desire; as great as your dominant aspiration.”

          Life is a series of ideas, thoughts and actions that become your­ reality.  Do some smart thinking to make your life a good one.  Thomas Paine wrote, “It is a necessity for the happiness of every man, to be true to himself.”