Emotional Wounds Thesaurus Entry: A Parent’s Abandonment

When you’re writing a character, it’s important to know why she is the way she is. Knowing her backstory is important to achieving this end, and one of the most impactful pieces of a character’s backstory is her emotional wound. This negative experience from the past is so intense that a character will go to great lengths to avoid experiencing that kind of pain and negative emotion again. As a result, certain behaviors, beliefs, and character traits will emerge.

Characters, like real people, are unique, and will respond to wounding events differently. The vast array of possible emotional wounds combined with each character’s personality gives you many options in terms of how your character will turn out. With the right amount of exploration, you should be able to come up with a character whose past appropriately affects her present, resulting in a realistic character that will ring true with readers. Understanding what wounds a protagonist bears will also help you plot out her arc, creating a compelling journey of change that will satisfy readers.

A Parent’s Abandonment

Examples:

• Being abandoned as an infant (on a doorstep, in a dumpster, on the side of the road, etc.)
• One’s parents dying during a child’s formative years
• A parent giving up his/her rights and turning the child over to the state
• Being left with relatives for long periods of time with little communication from one’s parent
• Being left alone as a young child to fend for oneself
• Having a parent who frequently leaves for long periods of time without warning or apology
• Being subjected to a life of foster care when one’s parent is imprisoned
• Living with a parent who suffers from mental illness or another disability that renders them unable to adequately care for others

Basic Needs That May Be Compromised By This Wound: love and belonging, safety and security, physiological needs

Lies That May Be Embraced As a Result of This Wound:

• No one wants to be with me.
• I need to push others away before they have a chance to leave me.
• There’s something wrong with me; that’s why people leave me.
• It’s only a matter of time until he leaves me.
• People are inherently unreliable.
• I’d rather be alone than be rejected again.
• I can’t trust anyone but myself.

Positive Attributes That May Result: cautious, empathetic, loyal, kind, protective

Negative Traits That May Result: apathetic, callous, cynical, humorless, insecure, inhibited, manipulative, needy, oversensitive, rebellious, resentful, subservient, withdrawn,

Resulting Fears:

• Fear of abandonment
• Fear that there’s something wrong with oneself that makes it impossible to be loved
• Fear of “normal” relationships where abandonment isn’t a possibility (due to abandonment being one’s norm)
• Fear of inadvertently driving others away
• Fear of never being truly loved and accepted

Possible Habits That May Emerge:

• Distrusting authority figures
• Maintaining shallow relationships
• Abandoning others before they can abandon the victim
• Sabotaging budding relationships
• Engaging in unhealthy relationships out of a need for love
• Difficulty setting healthy boundaries
• Becoming clingy and needy
• Becoming possessive of others
• Becoming obsessed or paranoid; demanding frequent proof of someone’s love
• Frequently transitioning out of situations where relationships are being formed (jobs, schools, churches, neighborhoods, etc.)
• Isolating oneself; becoming a loner
• Not committing to anything
• Not following through on responsibilities
• Becoming fiercely independent
• Pursuing people who aren’t likely to return one’s affections

TIP: If you need help understanding the impact of these factors, please read our introductory post on the Emotional Wound Thesaurus. 

*Photo Credit: Rega Photography @ Creative Commons

The post Emotional Wounds Thesaurus Entry: A Parent’s Abandonment appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS™.

The Bookshelf Muse is a hub for writers, educators and anyone with a love for the written word. Featuring Thesaurus Collections that encourage stronger descriptive skills, this award-winning blog will help writers hone their craft and take their writing to the next level.