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Redneck Investin Part 5 – Muny over Yonder

Monday, January 9, 2017 20:50
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Many investors who aren’t ECP simply can’t access decent strategies for investing and practically, if you only have $100,000 to invest, it’s really not worth it in today’s world (better to ‘invest’ in your own living conditions, vehicle, tools, and other things you might actually need).  You don’t need to be a redneck to follow these simple rules, but if you want to run a ‘redneck check’ on yourself, here’s a list of signs you might be a redneck IF:

1) Your neighbor dug a big hole in his backyard he calls a ‘mud hole’ which is used on weekends.  He fills it with water and lets it sit for days, creating a ‘mud soup’ and then invites his friends over with their trucks as they drive through it one by one, until one turns over or the engine dies.

2) Your other neighbor burns their garbage, plastic bags and all.  

3) You need a monster truck to access your property.

4) You don’t have a bank account because you ‘don’t trust them suns a bitches.’

5) You’ve invested more than 50% of your yearly disposable income in your truck.

Not all southerners are rednecks – here’s a good comparison about the differences between ‘southern’ and ‘redneck’:

  • Southern: Eating honeysuckle
  • Redneck: Chewing tobacco
  • Southern: Playing barefoot outside with your friends as a kid
  • Redneck: Going to the grocery store barefoot
  • Southern: Having a truck
  • Redneck: Having any of the following on your truck: a lift kit, a Confederate flag, or any sticker that talks about guns, has the word “pussy”, or actually labels you as a “redneck”.
  • Southern: Food with a lot of butter
  • Redneck: Food with a lot of mayonnaise
  • Southern: Common family nicknames include “Junior” and “Sissy”
  • Redneck: Common family nicknames include “Bubba” and “Buzz”
  • Southern: Cracker Barrel
  • Redneck: Golden Corral
  • Southern: Elvis, Johnny Cash, The Allman Brothers, Lynard Skynard
  • Redneck: David Allan Coe, Toby Keith, Trace Adkins
  • Southern: Having pecan pie crumbs on your mouth
  • Redneck: Missing teeth from your mouth
  • Southern: Having at least one relative (even if distant and you’ve met them once) who owns horses
  • Redneck: Having at least one relative who’s had sex with a horse
  • Southern: Having an innocent crush on one of your cousins as a kid
  • Redneck: Doing literally anything about that crush
  • Southern: Tailgating before a game
  • Redneck: Tailgating without having tickets to the game and watching it on a TV in the parking lot
  • Southern: Sweet tea
  • Redneck: Mountain Dew
  • Southern: Drinking moonshine borderline ironically on special occasions like weddings or weekend trips to the mountains
  • Redneck: Consuming moonshine regularly like it’s not even a thing 

So here’s part 5 in our series Redneck Investin’ – for the ‘other’ America:

Ways to get money, food, a place to live, and other highlights of life in USA

Free Cash – Sites like Free Money Claims , – and many others, offer the ability to get free money.  Who doesn’t like free money?  Yes, it can be a big waste of time.  But you’ve got plenty of time – you’re unemployed, on the dole, and Wrastlin’ doesn’t come on for another 3 hours!

Food Stamp Arbitrage – THIS IS ILLEGAL – DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.  Many rednecks trade food stamp products for cash at a huge discount, sometimes even 50%.  But they have no choice, as who else is going to pay them for 100 cases of Coca Cola but their local Quik-e-mart.  

Panhandling – THIS IS ILLEGAL – DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.  You know the best parking lots, the best clothes to wear – to evoke that human nature in people.  Make that man shell out all the cash in his wallet, because he feels bad for you.  Keeping the family in the car is a big plus!  Take his plastic too.  DISCLAIMER – Sadly, these untrained panhandlers would fare better on Wall St. where they would be paid millions to do the same job but in a different context.

Friends are for MUNY – Rednecks have no shame to just flat out ask you for money.  If you refuse for a reason such as ‘I don’t use cash’ they offer a host of solutions such as ‘oh you can write me a check, thanks.’  There’s not a friend they won’t abuse with this question but it’s also a bit of a ‘redneck test’ because if you are a true redneck, you’d ask the friend first.

Craigslist FREE – Really, the average person would be shocked what people give away on Craigslist.  Here in the south, it’s common to find things like Televisions, Wood crates, furniture, couches, cats, bicycles, and other stuff completely free.  People just want to get rid of their junk.

Metal Scrapin’ – Dismantling America’s dwindling infrastructure one railroad tie at a time.  This can be an environmentally friendly and profitable hobby if done LEGALLY.  If you ASK people they will often have metal you can take with their permission for FREE – such as old appliances, old excercise equiptment, shopping carts, wheelchairs, all kinds of stuff.  Stealing metal is illegal and potentially dangerous, every year in the South there are at least a small handful of deaths or near deaths of copper wire theives getting electrocuted, and in LA too.  Even though the price of scrap metal is near an all time low – they still pay.  Haul it over to the yard!

For more on this series, see:

Redneck Investin Part 4 – Free on the Fringe

Redneck Investin Part 3 – Get R Dun

Redneck Investin Part 2 – The evolved Redneck – READ before RIOT 

Redneck Investin Part 1 – A look from the other side

If you order stuff online, checkout which provides special discounts, savings, coupons, and free stuff too!  For a guide to the markets and how to survive with only a small amount to invest, checkout Splitting Pennies only $6.11 on Amazon.


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Total 2 comments
  • Mr. R. West

    Picture is better than the article … how many times have we heard that?

  • Lissy

    SO busted!

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