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Parenting the right way: Bonding with children

Saturday, July 2, 2011 5:15

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I think that most parents do not even notice the way they form bonds with their children. It is an unconscious process. I have seen many parents turning their kids into something they never meant to be. I am happy that my parents were able to create the right bond, which is why I am writing this post.

Most parents jump to the topic “What is good parenting?” before they even realize what type of parenting they are used to. I think that most bad parents lead to more bad parents, it’s the cycle of dysfunctional parenting. I am sure that you have seen how parents can positive and negative bonds with kids.

First of all, I know that I never really felt the strength of the bond I shared with my parents until they showed it to me. The way a parent shows affection does significantly contribute to how a kid feels the strength of this bond. You cannot bond with a kid by showing off.

Mother vs father

Most of us know that a mother do not need to intentionally create a bond, it is there from the beginning itself. A father, on the other hand, takes sometime to create the bond. I saw how my little cousins were when they were kids; kids always stick to their mother.

Obviously, this is the reason why a kid creates a different sort of bond with a father. Childhood always center around motherhood, but I think that a father is expected to reverse the mother’s pampering. Things are different now; a father is expected to be nurturing as well.

I find that each parent influence the kid in a unique way that leads to a unique bond between them. There are a number of ways parents create bonds. I think you might have seen them.

Different types of bonds

Do you think that all parents form the bond with their kids the same way? No. There are different types of bonds. I’ll start with mine. My parents created the normal, loving type of bond in which I could talk to my parents like friends and it’s fun.

There is another type of bond that involves mentoring the kids. In this type of parent-kid relationship, the child is raised by mentor like parents. They basically teach their kids to take on the world like how a mentor trains an apprentice.

I think that the nurturing approach is a different way to form bonds with the kids. It gives kids the freedom to explore what they see around them and discover it’s meaning on their own with the support of the parents. I find that most single parents automatically change into this sort of bonding.

Single parents struggle to maintain a social life, a job and a child is more likely to create more problems. Don’t you think that a single father raising a kid is even more stressful than a single mother? I saw many single fathers that go for the strict-parent approach, which hardly does the job of raising a good child.

Can rules forbid bonding?

I take pride in being raised by two very libertarian parents. There were no rules except for a few general rules we need to go by when we are in public. I also know many orthodox and modern parents; the orthodox ones always forbid bonding by creating too many rules.

I always wondered how their kids grew up to be such rude guys. We forget the fact that childhood bonds are what that determine how we form future bonds with which we are to live the rest of our lives. Most marital problems like intimacy issues are deeply rooted in childhood bonds.

In the end, do you think that rules that go beyond normal limits are necessary? I do not think so, unless you want to be parent the perfect kid, which would only lead to a kid with disturbing issues.

I think that a parent creates a bond with the child regardless of how they create it, but it’s always great to see some parents work hard to maintain a strong bond with their kids. It may not look like much when you write about it, but I know how it works, because I too was a kid once.

Read more at Witty’s Lifestyle Blog

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