So my asthma is acting up again today and I feel like I have the proverbial elephant sitting on my chest. It’s more difficult to get air in than to exhale, which tells me that what Im experiencing has more to do with bronchospasm than air trapping. In any case Im miserable.I haven’t been able to sleep for several days and basically feel kike crap.
The trigger for this latest bout could be the weather, as the it’s been raining non-stop for a week and high humidity always sets me off. It sucks being so short of breath, but rather than getting pissed off or adding fuel to the fire by becoming overly anxious by it, Ive decided to write down my thoughts in this post. Im this writing this post while sucking on a nebulizer. Ive actually been flaring for several days now ,so Im probably farther into an exacerbation than I think. I know I’m actively flaring because Ive been really short of breath, my all my numbers are way down, and Im not getting much relief from the inhaled meds.
I have no intended story or message to convey in this post, Im simply typing words to see what comes out and to distract myself from my labored breathing. Im doing this for myself, Im doing it as therapy, as an experiment. Through the years Ive tried everything you can think of to quell my breathlessness and stay “calm” to prevent things from getting worse, so why not add writing about it while it’s happening in real-time to that list.
The process of writing about it also buys me time. Time in the sense that, the time that it take to compose this blog post, I will have whittled that much off the duration of the flare. I say duration, because asthma flare ups dont last forever. Eventually they wind down and your breathing gets more tolerable. The problem is, it’s tough to predict when that will happen and what type of intervention might be needed to facilitate that. Asthma flares rarely take a linear trajectory, there are always bumps along the way, and some of those bumps can get really hairy. For me an uncomplicated flaring of symptoms can last anywhere from 1 day to 2 weeks. But generally the longer they last , the more severe and eventful they become. So in that sense, “buying time” can also mean delaying or putting off the knee jerk reaction to head to the ER right away in hopes that things will turn around on their own.
Well, looks like I only bought about an an hour and a half writing this post. I still feel like crap, but I do feel less anxious about it. Writing seems to be a slightly better distraction than playing an instrument because I can be in a lousy mood and still write, where as playing the guitar I can’t concentrate enough if Im in a bad mood.
Writing this post while being very short of breath has me wondering if I should do just the opposite when Im not flaring. I mean write a post about what it feels like to breath well. I haven’t done that before, because who writes about breathing normal? Oh well, off to find the next distraction.