Television critic Glenn Garvin used to eagerly await the annual crop of Christmas movies and TV shows. Who can resist watching dull little Bedford Falls transformed into the glorious, neon-lit hookers-and-pawnshops urban landscape of Pottersville in It’s A Wonderful Life? Whether it was yuletide zombies, ill-mannered Norwegians, or a jolly Santa Claus blasting Satan in the butt with a cannon, he was endlessly enchanted.
But those days have passed. Today’s children being the overprotected little snowflake dorks they are, Christmas shows for them are nightmarish descents into robotic multicultural tedium that make Garvin long for the bony embrace of the best Ghost of Christmas Future ever in Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol.
Amazon Prime has appointed itself the Official Network of Christmas Lobotomization this year, releasing three heinous little shows that parents can prop their kids (or, possibly, tie them down) in front of as they join the Black Friday throngs overrunning shopping malls. Garvin explains more.