Or, Gang of Teens Team up with Tard to Tackle Illuminati
Goonies is not politically correct. Could you imagine a movie nowadays with a total retard pretending to be Errol Flynn as the secret hero? Nevertheless, in 1985, Baby Ruth-fueled tards and stereotypical Asiatic persons obsessed with gadgets (Data) and photographs were necessity – and even pudgy, Jewy Jews like Chunk. There’s nothing P.C. about Goonies – and that was great. In fact, the Un-P.C. awesomeness gets even better when I bring in the 1980s WWF that inextricably played a key role in Cyndi Lauper’s theme song for the film, “Good Enough” – more on that madness in a moment.
Rube Goldberg (1883-1970) was a Jewish political cartoonist and engineer known for his silly, over-complicated and exaggerated machines intended to lampoon simple tasks. If you recall the PeeWee Herman Show or ever played Mousetrap, you recall the absurd machines concocted to cook breakfast, brush one’s teeth, etc. – those are Rube Goldberg machines. With that in mind, Goldberg’s machines are evident as an embodiment of the Golem principle, the notion from Jewish mysticism that a machine man can be created using kabbalistic magic to do the manual labor of its creator. As a purely determined cause and effect instrument, the Goldberg Machine, like the Golem, does only what it is programmed to. It is therefore a causally determined chain reaction, and within the plot of Goonies, the entire film’s events are caused by the initial escape of the Fratelli’s from prison.
The opening sequence of Goonies features the camera entering the left eye of the skull, and as you probably know, the skull and bones is the Jolly Roger, the flag of piracy, and also the flag of the lawless pirates known as the CIA, generally recruited at Yale’s Skull and Bones Secret Society (Lodge 322). Following this, one Fratelli brother (Robert Davi) staged an escape from jail, with the ignition of the circle of flame setting in motion a series of events that will determine the film, like the ignition of a booby trap.
As the Fratellis speed away from the cops, they drive past each of the Goonies, with most of them taking notice, later bringing this up as they meet at the Walsh’s. As the Fratellis get away by blending in with the beach race (as Mama Fratelli timed it), the Fratelli SUV can briefly be seen driving past the Walshes. Mouth (Corey Feldman) and Chunk show up, with Chunk’s truffle shuffle being prefaced by his claim he saw “the most amazing thing.” It is precisely here the Walsh’s Rube Goldberg Machine in the front yard is activated, which opens the door for Chunk.
After a loud series of exchanges, Mouth gets the idea the attic could contain “rich stuff” that could save their homes from being demolished the Perkins Land Development. However, if Chunk hadn’t broken the statue’s penis, which came from the museum’s material in the attic, Mouth wouldn’t have had the idea to go in the attic. Also key to this cause-effect thesis is the timing of Rosalita, the hired cleaning lady who, having been in the middle of the road as the Fratellis whizzed past her, arrived just in time to meet Mrs. Walsh so they could give the Goonies an hour alone in the attic (to find the treasure map). To further bolster this thesis, the origin of the Rube Goldberg machine is also associated with the rigging of a booby trap – the connection is obvious, and “booty traps” are referenced numerous times in the film by Data and Mikey….