Profile image
By Moonbattery (Reporter)
Contributor profile | More stories
Story Views

Last Hour:
Last 24 Hours:

Moonbat Thinks We Should Eat Excrement

Friday, October 7, 2016 13:34
% of readers think this story is Fact. Add your two cents.

The moonbat obsessions with bodily waste and with telling us what to eat have combined to produce the next logical step after trying to get us to eat bugs. Now they want us to eat excrement:

Why stop at insects? Why be satisfied with their admittedly glowing report card of optimized efficiency when we could go all the way? The logical conclusion of this train of thought, as far as I can see, is clear: Let us engineer the perfect closed loop. Let us eat, and only eat, our own poop. …

Often around 50 percent of the original energy contained in the ingested food is still left in the fecal matter…

You might argue that if you get 50% less nutrition each time the crap passes through you, soon you will be getting hardly any. However,

There are at least a few strategies we can use to address this issue. The first and most viable solution involves microbes. As I mentioned before, our feces is already rich with gut bacteria and fungi, and the most nutritive of these are what we will be able to mass-culture. With further research, we will likely be able to tweak their yield and even induce their production of different nutritive compounds as necessary so that we will be able to generate the remaining 50 percent of our energy and nutrition from the feces itself.

In other words, when the sewage you’re eating isn’t filthy enough, just add more bacteria.

Alternatively, you can chow down on wild cow droppings:

Once there is no longer any reason to eat all these cows and their kin, we can instead release them and let them roam free, harvesting some of their feces as necessary for similar processing.

It is only a matter of time until the animal rights movement escalates their insanity to plant rights. Eating feces heads them off at the pass:

Animal ethics—and indeed plant ethics—will become a moot point. The only organisms we will need to use for our own sustenance will be a handful of microbes, which don’t even really count as ‘other’ because they are already a part of our bodies. Ultimately, it will be a fun and by no means insurmountable design challenge to come up with a broad array of approaches to ensure reclamation stays at, or even exceeds, 100 percent.

The narrow-minded may consider it disgusting to eat the stuff you flush down the toilet. But this aversion, just like gender and attraction to the opposite sex, turns out to be an arbitrary social construct:

Many are skeptical we could get our entire species to start eating their own excrement, but the psychological research suggests that humans’ disgust towards feces is not innate but learned, and thus may be unlearned as well.

Where education fails, coercion can be applied. The United Nations has already weighed in on getting us to eat insects. In utopia, the World Government will be able to make us live off whatever pointy-headed screwball masterminds think best.

To conclude:

Auto-coprophagy is not only entirely possible, it is also the most environmentally and ethically sound option for human civilization on this planet for the long term. …

The only truly responsible course of action is to take our diets fully into our own hands and directly out of our rectums … the dream of complete self-sufficiency is within our grasp, and it begins, ineluctably, at our anuses.

After we are forced to live off turds so as not to violate the rights of animals and plants, only moonbats will be able to conceive of a way to take their ideology any further.

Dead Bug
Only one thing could be more disgusting to eat than insects.

On a tip from TCS III. Hat tip: NewsBusters.


We encourage you to Share our Reports, Analyses, Breaking News and Videos. Simply Click your Favorite Social Media Button and Share.

Report abuse


Your Comments
Question   Razz  Sad   Evil  Exclaim  Smile  Redface  Biggrin  Surprised  Eek   Confused   Cool  LOL   Mad   Twisted  Rolleyes   Wink  Idea  Arrow  Neutral  Cry   Mr. Green

Top Stories
Recent Stories



Top Global


Top Alternative




Email this story
Email this story

If you really want to ban this commenter, please write down the reason:

If you really want to disable all recommended stories, click on OK button. After that, you will be redirect to your options page.