It’s a good thing we have the Washington Compost. Otherwise, we might not realize that ranch dressing is what’s wrong with America.
Not only is ranch dressing “extravagant and trashy”; not only is it a symptom of “faddish philistinism”; not only is it a “gooey goop” that “doesn’t even spread well when tossed”; not only is it “disgusting” and “wildly unhealthy”; not only is its “spiritual home” the Midwest, a region poo-pooed by elitist moonbats (never mind that it is actually from California). There are far more meaningful aspects of ranch dressing to consider:
Finally, our vulgar extravagance is going to destroy the planet and starve the global poor. Like meat, dairy produces more local and climate pollution than most plant-based foods. Dairy cows also require more land, water and other resources than grains and vegetables. Unless we moderate our habits, we will run out of resources to feed the Earth’s 7 billion-and-growing population and cause massive climate disruption. Here’s an easy way to cut back: Don’t slather milk products on foods already awash in them.
Clearly, there is only one way to save the planet. The United Nations must issue a decree banning ranch dressing at once.