Great Sadness

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As I write these thoughts I am sitting home alone.  From time to time I cannot help but cry.  In the background some light classical music is playing in memory of a dear friend who loved classical music as much as I love rock and roll.  I got up today like any other Monday.  When I got to work I had a email from my friend, Father Richard Rohr, concerning the death of our mutual friend, Father Dennis Borca.  I was not aware of Dennis’s death until I read Richard’s email.  I was and still remain in shock.  Dennis was a very dear friend.  Beyond friendship, he was like a big brother to me.  Those of you who read my blog on a regular basis are familiar with Father Dennis.  In the early 1970′s we lived together in the same Franciscan community.  Father Richard was also part of that community.  Dennis eventually left the Franciscan order but remained a priest.  About seven or eight years ago he retired from active ministry and bought a home very near the Abbey of Gethsemani.  We have been getting together about once a month this entire time for friendship, spiritual discussions, and meals.  Occasionally I would spend the night at his home.  This past May Father Richard was in town for the Dalai Lama’s visit to Louisville.  Dennis and I attended one of the Dalai Lama’s talks where Richard also spoke.  That week Richard and I spent a night at Dennis’s home for a Franciscan reunion.  It was a wonderful time.  Just a few  weeks ago Dennis con-celebrated at my son’s priesthood ordination and was one of the priests who laid his hands on Nick’s head as part of the liturgy.  He couldn’t have been more proud of Nick if he was his own son.  Only a couple of weeks ago I made my last visit to Dennis’s home.  He served me some sweet rolls for breakfast that neither of us should have eaten because we’re both diabetics.  Usually we also go out to a restaurant for a meal but on this last visit he said, “Why don’t I cook us some hot dogs and we can just talk”.  Dennis was my closest confidant.  There were no secrets between us.  I am deeply saddened by his death and it creates a huge void in my life.  I will miss him terribly.  On my last visit we talked of death.  His great wish was to live as long as his parents and his greatest fear was concern over what would happen to his two dogs when he died.  I shared my longing to retire and my hope that we would both be two retired old men together.  Today has been a day of tears for me and it will be quite a while before my sadness goes away.  His last words to me were, “I love you”.  The feeling was mutual.  Dennis and I had some great years together and I am sure he will still watch over me for as long as I am still here.