I've been working on various writing projects for the last three hours. And the above picture is much prettier than the reality at the moment. I'm just sitting on my bed, wearing a Blazer v-neck, with an almost empty glass of wine nearby. My eyes feel bloodshot from staring at this laptop screen for so long. And my fingers are slightly achy from the constant typing.
But I still feel like I didn't achieve all that I wanted to.
I didn't get as much writing done as I wish I had.
I don't feel like everything I wrote was good.
I want to do better.
I wish I did better.
Sometimes I wonder why I still do it. Or attempt to, anyway.
Are these words even coherent? Did I convey my thoughts well? Did I edit out all of my mistakes?
Should I just not continue?
Honestly, dear readers, the words don't always come easily. You may think I'm a good writer. You may picture me in a romantic scene, thinking up whatever words you read and enjoy reading and typing them away without a care in the world.
But, I'll be real with you.
Sometimes, it's painstakingly hard. First of all, to sort through my thoughts; secondly, to know how to express them with words; and thirdly, to publish them on a public website for every eye to see.
I asked myself almost every day, “Why do you write?”
I always answer the same thing, “Because I couldn't live without being able to.”
I do it because I find freedom in this gift of an outlet.
I find freedom in expressing myself with passion and purpose through beautiful, beautiful words.
Language is such a gift. To have the ability to communicate to someone not just through facial expressions and hand movements but to actually speak and be understood is so wonderful.
And to be able to write and have a reader halfway across the world grasp your meaning and fervor in being vulnerable and revealing your heart, soul and emotions… Now that's a blessing.
I write because I can't imagine not being able to write something and send it out onto the worldwide web to somehow, magically find someone and touch their soul. For the heart to resonate with something I wrote, and to maybe later find an email or comment from that someone saying, “Hey, what you said really encouraged me” or “Your words were an inspiration”. Those little notes make it all worth it. Just to know one person (yes, even the haters <3) read something I scribbled at one o'clock in the morning means the world to me.
Because, honestly, you don't have to.
You didn't have to type in my blog URL into your browser today. You didn't have to click on the newest link to my blog that popped up in your email, on your dashboard or Facebook timeline. You didn't have to read all the way until the end of this article. But wow. You did. You're here.
So thank you.
A writer's daily battle may be figuring out what thought to write down first and how to and if we did it well and oh what if it doesn't make sense, etc., etc…
but our greatest victory is knowing one – even just one beautiful human being – chose to read our work.
Then yes, we have done well.
And if you're still reading this, then I have done well.