This was written spontaneously yesterday as a response to a friend and co-worker’s email. They were concerned about my current well-being. I was reminded me that I do make a positive difference in some people’s lives.
I think it is in my nature to be a bit melancholy and angst ridden. At the moment I am buoyed by the falling snow as I look out the window. I wish I was on retreat at the monastery! I would be out walking in the woods enjoying the snowfall. I still remember being on a retreat many, many years ago as I prepared to become Br. Dominic. Fr. Timothy, my Novice Master, sent me and another fellow out to the woods to chop down some trees. It was late November or early December. We were out there and it suddenly began to snow furiously. We were so overwhelmed with the beauty of it that we just stood there in silence. It has now been 45 years since I entered the monastery and I still think I am temperamentally a monk. If you are a deeply feeling type person as I am, you are not only sensitive to beauty but also to pain. I have always been a “sensitive” man contrary to what some people may think. It is who I am but sometimes I am too sensitive and I know I expect too much out of life sometimes. When your expectations are very high you are often disappointed. I once asked a friend how he managed to be so happy all of the time. Most people would say you are happy in proportion to how much you are grateful. His response was, “I have no expectations of anything or anyone and therefore I am never disappointed”. Buddha says that all pain and suffering are caused by desire. By having no desires or expectations, you will have no pain or disappointment. Of course, this is easier said than done. Foe all those who care about me, be assured that I am fine and most likely suffering from little more than winter blues.