(Before It's News)“The Panik Broadcast”
by GatekeeperYell at Gatekeeper
Quickly, I'd like to mention that Terry Boers called it a broadcast career, today, due to failing health. If you don't know him, he's been a part of Chicago sports radio for roughly 25 years. Basically my adult life. His tone and sarcasm probably had a lot to do with my satire and cynicism. I hope his health improves and that he continues to get more accolades. Like him or not, he's a Chicago sports radio icon.
On to hockey complaining…
For once, The Blackhawks weren't the squad with the most drama in the arena. The Florida Panthers, fresh off the unceremonious firing of their head coach, made their first appearance of the Tom Rowe era. Because nothing screams of future success like the model of Bob Pulford's coaching/GM double duty. How does THAT name taste going down? #NowDerek… There was a little Blackhawks drama coming in, with captain Jonathan Toews missing his third straight game with a mystery upper body injury. This had all the fixins for an inspired Panthers win; if not for Corey Crawford.
The first period was not exactly what the United Center crowd had hoped for, after a couple of weeks on the road. The Panthers definitely held the advantage in play for almost the entire first twenty minutes. It's pretty safe to say that the Blackhawks had very few scoring chances, yet they were able to take the lead late in the frame. Officially, the scorer said that the Hawks were only out shot 13-8, but it certainly seemed more like 13-4.
The middle twenty weren't exactly much better than the opening period, but the Blackhawks were able to accomplish something by closing the shot deficit after ONLY getting out shot 12-11. The two period total was down to 25-19, which was progress, I guess. You know what is boring? A late November Tuesday night game against the Panthers.
The Panthers were able to tie the game early in the third period and when I say early, I mean early. Thirty five seconds in. Once again the action slowed down to a snore-worthy pace, but the Blackhawks actually out shot the Panthers for a period. Barely. The final regulation totals were 39-33 in favor of the Cats. Giving up 39 shots at home is pretty brutal.
The overtime started with a Panthers powerplay that the Blackhawks killed off pretty easily, and there was the usual end to end rushes. Neither team was able to finish the game, and it was up to the hero, #DickFuckingPanik, to put the kitty cats to bed in the shootout.
- Jaromir Jagr skated in his 1,652nd career NHL game, passing Chris Chelios (1,651) and tying Mark Recchi for fourth on the all-time list.
- With just over two minutes remaining in the first period, Dennis Rasmussen found #DickFuckingPanik behind the Cats defense. Panik was able to gather the bouncing puck, truck in on Bobby Luongo, and tuck the puck around the Stomb-oalie. Not only did he score the only Hawks goal, but he won the game in the shootout with a really nice top shelf snapper and led the Hawks in shots on goal with 5. Keep mocking me about my 35 point prediction. He's at 10 points with about 3/4 of the games remaining.
- Corey Crawford was outstanding again. Hew saved 38 of 39 and bailed the Blackhawks out several times. Overtime, shootout, stickless, shorthanded. He was simply great. If you can't respect a .974 save percentage then you're just stupid.
- I'm officially on the Hartman train. He's been confident and solid, no matter where he's played.
- It only took the Panthers thirty five seconds into the third period to tie the game on the powerplay. Brent Seabrook blocked a shot that rendered him basically useless. The puck then somehow eventually ended up on the stick of Jaromir Jagr right at the edge of the crease, who put it away.
- Not only did Patrick Kane take a sloppy penalty with 20 seconds remaining in regulation but when he came out of the box in overtime, he half assed a pass that would have given him a breakaway and it dribbled away harmlessly.
- Artem Anisimov took a Duncan Keith shot off the ankle on the third period and had to end up going to the locker room.
- One player who's train I'm not on is Nick Schmaltz. He seems to be getting endless opportunities and he has 1 goal in 24 games. By all means, keep putting him out there with Kane and keep watching him try to crowbar passes when he has an open shot. Let's all rag on Kruger, who basically only has defensive zone starts while stuck in the bottom 6.
The #Fatrick Stankus Fatsy Stats
- Before the game even started, we found out that Coach Whizzo was sitting Michal Kempny for Jurassic era relic Michal Rozsival. To put it bluntly, this is bullshit.
- In the third period Vinny Hinostroza cut his angle a little too close to his own goaltender's crease, and swept the legs right out from under Crawford. Crawford lost his stick and laid on the ice for an extended period but the play continued. Eventually, Crawford had to gather himself and dive to his right to kill the play.
- Jordin Tootoo played under six minutes. Can we end this charade?
- I was so bored by this game that I had time to put this fitting creation together. Sure would be nice to have a Photoshop guy around these parts.
- I couldn't believe my eyes that the Hawks actually won 53% of their faceoffs. Marcus Kruger won 15 of 20 faceoffs by himself.
- The Jonathan Marchessault/Aleksander Barkov/Jaromir Jagr line just clowned the Blackhawks all night in possession.
- The Triple H line of Ryan Hartman/Vinny Hinostroza/Marian Hossa were the leading Blackhawks possession line.
- Patrick Kane stopped by Luongo's glove
- Vincent Trocheck missed wide
- Artemi Panarin beat Luongo
- Aleksander Barkov stopped by Crawford
- #DickFuckingPanik beats Bobby Lu top cheddar
Left Wing – Center – Right Wing
Panarin – Anisimov – Kane
Hartman – Hinostroza – Hossa
Rasmussen – Kruger – Panik
Motte – Schmaltz – Tootoo
Keith – Hjalmarsson
Campbell – Seabrook
Forsling – Rozsival