A Fool's House

In a world that is gradually being bled of meaning, the nefarious and even nebulous move very quickly to the forefront of religious and spiritual thought.  Could it be that what is so often perceived as harmless or a matter of mere curiosity is in fact something profoundly dangerous?  Fifty years ago the spiritual spokesmen of the modern age began to tell us that a new dawn was upon us; that humanity would somehow ascend beyond its limits. The reality, however, was that humanity was being manipulated ever so slowly by a real presence that sexually, spitefully, and violently desires it.  This gradual process of deception took hold of people slowly and with every generation it progressed, humanity bought further into the emerging spirit of this age.  For the most part, humanity has been separated from its common sense and its higher principles. There seems to be no clear distinction between what is good and evil, they are viewed relativistically and this view of life is glorified among the new spiritual intelligentsia being spewed out of Esalen and SRI who consistently tell us that there is a thing called “your truth” and “my truth” instead of “the truth”.  

For many evil really doesn’t exist at all–it is relegated to that status of mere superstition.  For others, we must get beyond good and evil entirely because that is what “spiritual evolution” demands of us.  All of these spiritual ideas amount to horseshit in the end. I haven’t known a single individual to profit from them in any meaningful way aside from making money or getting laid.  What happens is the gradual descent into the meaningless eclectic gibberish of the new age.  This is ultimately the language of confusion and insanity, the language of Philip Dick and many others swindled by its charm.  The sad reality is that the mystique of the unknown has always imprisoned people in some way.  I know this because I have been its prisoner for many years now, and I do not count that as a good or wholesome thing.  

When I was initiated in 2000, the biggest goal of the group was to destroy every last vestige of my Christian faith and upbringing.  When this was accomplished (it never was) I was more open to influence by a philosophy of Light that was emanationist yet purely Luciferian. Our ethos was disguised in a solar-heroic cloak that I personally found appealing.  I was introduced to various writings and spent most of my time engaged in some form of mental, physical, and spiritual ascesis.  This ascesis was potently effective and allowed me abilities that I often found strange and exhilarating.  The side effect, however, was that I would awake often in the middle of the night with a tangible presence in the room with me, and the presence while sometimes neutral was often profoundly disturbing.  In 2001 about a week after 911 I was in bed only to awaken late into the night to see what I thought was an old woman standing outside my bedroom door without her clothes on.   I would immediately fall into deep paralysis (induced by fear) only to realize moments later while in a half-conscious state that she was straddling me on the bed.  When I brought up these concerns with people ”in the know” I was told that these were “personal eidolons” that were released into my perception because they were genetically linked to me and being exorcised out by my efforts. Never mind that I was often having full on conversations with preterhuman intelligences that communicated strange images to me that could not possibly come from any human pre-history.  I was told very frankly over the years that these effects, as harrowing as they were, could only come from my own personality, not from an outside nefarious presence that sought to do me harm.

Around this time I had known a girl who was a couple years older than me who had also been initiated into the group.  She had asked me and another friend to spend the night in her house because a strange man (whom she believed was homeless) had been menacing her for nearly a month. Whenever the police were called, they could never find him.  He would stand outside her window throwing pebbles to get her attention.  When she would come to the window he would usually stand there masturbating.  For some reason she felt that the man had been inside of her house on numerous occasions, but she didn’t know why she thought this was true.  Shortly before the sun came up one of those nights, we heard screaming upstairs where her room was.  Rather than running up to see if she was ok I ran to the window where she claimed this man usually stood.  I can tell you that while I didn’t see any man, I did see what I believed was a free-standing shadow that quickly scurried away.  My friend who had run upstairs to check on her said that even though he had turned on her light, it was almost “impenetrable” up there.  In other words, the light seemed to almost be absorbed by the ambient atmosphere.  This lasted for no longer than five seconds but scared him deeply.  When this was all said and done the words he used to describe the environment in that room was “oppressive” and “heavy”. There was definitely something up there.  Something that was manipulating or toying with her while she slept and was most vulnerable.  I had honestly begun to believe that her memories of seeing a homeless man outside of her house masturbating was actually a screen memory to cover up the seemingly demonic horror that was surrounding her.  These types of stories were rampant among us.  The saddest part was that we had been made to believe this was merely a process of self-purification, when it was something far worse.

In May of 2005 I had heard more than one story from people I had personally known who were involved with our group of oddly dressed men in dark clothes spraying noxious smells into their houses or cars.  All of us had believed that this was part of an initiatic mythology, a kind of ritualistic psychodrama that we were being inducted into.  The culprits, we believed, were other members of our circle attempting to put the fear into us.  From Jost I have learned this wasn’t true.  None of them ever sent anyone personally to our homes to do those things.  I often had strange people coming to my apartment door wearing huge sunglasses in the middle of the night attempting to look through the peep hole.  I was surprised to have come across the story of the “Mad Gasser of Matoon” only a few months ago, which frankly sent a chill down my spine because the likely culprit is not a deranged man at all, but something that defies our imagination.

The reality is that anyone who is familiar with ritual evocation knows that these smells are very common when a “demonic” presence is near. These presences, in some cases, can take the form of animals, strange people, and even objects.  It must also be said that most people that have been deeply involved with the encounter phenomenon understand that a dank and musky smell is often present, a smell that will often cause an allergic reaction to occur.  I have also noticed that the two common smells of these encounter experiences are that of ozone and rotten eggs.

Believe me when I say that these stories go on and on.  I know so many of them now that I could likely write a book about it. Yet the stories aren’t as important as what I noticed would come next.  There was a gradual acceptance of the phenomenon by those that experience them, even to the point that the very negative events, as disturbing as they were, acted as a sort of supernatural programming through trauma. These people actually began to view these dark experiences as positive and transformative.  This was Stockholm Syndrome at its very worst. I had viewed my own experiences as such for a long time, but I do not feel that way anymore-especially not after what I have recently learned and uncovered.

In one case in particular, the woman that saw the homeless man outside of her house, became heavily steeped in the new age love and light message after deciding to leave the group.  She eventually claimed that her soul was from another planet and that she was “seeded” here to awaken humans to the next stage of their development.  It was pure foolishness, a ”same old” message that had been spreading to people since the time Blavatsky had been compromised by the same presence.  The woman was later diagnosed with cancer and believed she could combat it through various pseudo-scientific means.  She passed away about two and a half years after her diagnosis.  I admit that even now this story disturbs me because I had been a witness to her ”transformation” and did very little to stop it.  

Going to Montauk this time was an oddity.  I spent a great deal of my time at Montauk Point.  One morning while sitting down to eat, I had written 

Montauk / Amentet

into the ground with a stick I had been carrying.  To those somewhat familiar with Egyptian mythology “Amenti” is the land of the west or the entrance to the world of the dead.  This action was quite unconscious. I considered it strange, but not quite a dire warning.

Throughout my trip my sleep was often disturbed.  For the first time it had crossed my mind that maybe Jost was correct, maybe I had been falling deeper into the ruse.  He had called me at one point to see how I was doing.  I told him that I loved the scenery  and the feel of the land, but that I was really attempting to figure out why I was being called out there.  I told him that my overwhelming feeling was that this little hamlet had some profound apocalyptic meaning.  I was honest about how I felt about the place.  “It feels like a doorway into another world.  A world I am supposed to be in.”  I went on to tell him that I felt something profound was in that area, something that was to have a major impact of some kind.  I told him that I suspected it was related to some “event” that is about to happen, an event that I don’t fully grasp.  The problem was that I just couldn’t put it into words–there was such a vagueness about the entire affair. There was silence and he said, “You need to take some time to think about that vagueness.  The entire journey has been vague hasn’t it?  You have to wonder why it is always so vague.  Could it be, just maybe, that there is something hiding behind that vagueness, something that you aren’t supposed to know because once you found out, you wouldn’t like it?”  

I understood his point.  From the time Luminosity began till now I have always complained about the ambiguity of the phenomenon itself.  All of these spiritual fads, popular and obscure, have a constant thread of vagueness associated with them.  Ultimately one is left wondering if perhaps this vagueness is indeed a cover of something far more dangerous than we realize.  Could this all be similar to the NDE of Howard Storm, mainly this:

“He was allegedly drawn by seemingly friendly voices calling his name and he followed them, but eventually realized that they were malevolent when they turned on him and attacked him savagely in the darkness. “

Are we being lead like lambs to the slaughter perhaps?  Are all of these innovative spiritual ideas being spread today really the bait?  As much as it may disappoint many of my readers, I am leaning toward yes.  As these posts go on, I will make my case for this more clear.

Republished with permission from Transmissions From The Imaginal