The Gray Areas Of Experience: Part II

The following day after the experience I detailed in my previous post, my brother stopped by to see me.  He explained that he had several strange events taking place at his house, which is a few miles from where I live.  His mentioning this to me struck me as odd considering what had happened the previous night.   

My brother began by telling me that he had been smelling my mom’s perfume throughout his house, particularly in the empty guest room.  Another effect were hand prints intentionally left on a fleece blanket laying at the foot of the bed.  The hand prints were of two different sizes, neither of which matched my brother’s hand print or his wife’s.  Aside from this he had been having issues with the alarm in the guest room going off at all hours of the day and night.  In his own words, “it felt like Mom was angry at me and was trying to give me a nervous breakdown.  The air in the house felt heavy.”   When I told him about what had happened to me the night before, he just shook his head and told me that the story was disturbing.

I was willing to leave this go at my brother’s experience until a few days later I received a text message from my dad, “can you talk tonight?”  When I received his call there was clearly something bothering him.  He had asked me very frankly, “have you had any dreams about your mom lately?” Shortly after she died everyone in the family had very positive dreams about her.  After she died, while thoughts of her were strong on our minds, we would often ask if anyone had dreams about her.  Over the last year these dreams have been less and less.  For me they are practically non-existent now because I am quite convinced that she has gone far into the Empyrean that any merely human trace of her is long gone. The question my Dad asked actually floored me because it was clear that all three of us had been dealing with the same presence of my deceased mother.  For my Dad it was much more personal.

At this point it is important to explain that my parents were married for nearly 50 years before my mom passed away in October of last year.  Having to live alone has been a big change for my father.  All in all, he has handled this change quite gracefully.  He spends a large portion of his time reading and riding his bicycle.  At age 67, he is in good health and not allowing the situation to get him down further than he needs to go.  It is rare that he has dreams that he can remember.  However, since my mom’s passing, his dreams have at times been very vivid. For him these dreams have normally been very positive experiences that came to him only after he had been praying for her well being and the strength to continue on in this life alone.

He called to tell me that the previous night he had considerable difficulty.  He went to bed only to awake in a painfully realistic dream of my mom banging on the front door.  According to him, she was very angry at him, almost furious.  When he went to the door she was holding divorce papers.  He immediately awoke to the smell of her perfume in the house.  The “presence” was so intense that he began talking to her as if she were in the house.  He went outside around 2:30 in the morning to smoke a cigarette and once again tried to go back to sleep.  He awoke again a little over an hour later to the exact same dream and the exact same smell.  He finally decided to get up and go for an early morning bike ride on the trails near his house.

The fact that similar events occurred for three different people tells me that there is far more to this event than what it appears to be on the surface.  Because the purpose of this blog is to delve deeply into the metaphysical aspects of this phenomenon and not get lost in the “mystique” of sinister events, I need to express why these sinister types of events are really not what they appear to be, but rather are a ruse meant to chip away at ones better sense.  It is all too clear to me that this manifestation, as sinister as it is, can only be a familial demon, a parasitic presence that has been attacking my family for quite some time, possibly for generations.  But it goes much deeper than that, to the point where “discarded” postmortem fragments of human beings are being employed as an inroad to any available living soul these familial demons can attack.

At present I am deeply immersed in the writings of Proclus and John Scotus Eriugena.  For me reading and reasoning through these types of works, which are the only ”intellectual” bridges back to the primordial tradition, are theurgic or divine rites of passage.  They are a spiritual excercise that provokes a certain kind of thinking that allows us the ability to follow the Golden Chain back to the realities from which we emerged into this world.  In fact, that is the true purpose of reading and spiritual exercise in general.  I rarely read fiction novels and especially avoid books on modern spirituality.  These types of books cannot provoke the “divine imagination” that tends toward epistrophe or reversion to the higher orders of existence that are already inherent in us, but cannot be accessed due to our “soul baggage”.  I recommend to anyone that will listen to read the Neoplatonists because they are by far the most metaphysically sound books in existence today.  All other books on spirituality pale by comparison.  These writings are the metaphysical subtext of every religious, mythological, and philosophical tradition that has ever come into existence.  The Ancient Greeks received these teachings from those that existed before earth had been severed from Heaven.  In a word, these writings are themselves a Golden Thread to far more pristine realities and virtues. 

I believe that certain “breakthroughs” that I have recently made caused these events to unfold.  When you understand that a human being is a living current or emanation of his/her ancestors, and they are born into this world with generational”debts” that must eventually be paid, any breakthroughs that are made lead to a commotion in the postmortem domain, especially when these breakthroughs lead to the abolition of said debts, which very sinister entities rely upon for their own survival. 

Now here is where things will get strange.  When a human being dies, it seems that the human awareness travels inward following the same paths that it travelled when it came into existence in the physical domain.  During this process, many people lose pieces of themselves.  Essentially, they are stripped of the contrived layers of their existence.  This is why in a previous post I explained that many memories, habits, and opinions (including the memories that lead to them) become stripped upon being exposed to the light that becomes more potent in the noetic worlds.  Essentially, nothing profane can abide there so this process is completely unavoidable.  As much as these memories have made us who we are, they fall away when the vastness of the human individuality is realized.  In a word, the discarded husks of posthumans is often used in a very similar manner as walk ins.  When channelers and psychics speak to the dead it becomes apparent that they can often give valid information about the deceased person to loved ones.  I have personally witnessed this.  The problem is that the dead person communicating is very likely not the real person behind the communication, but bits and pieces of that person that have been picked up by parasitic entities capable of disguising themselves in “human body suits”.

Dark and very dangerous entities live along the postmortem path.  These entities have clear access to people in the physical world, especially those that become obsessed with this phenomenon or are descended from a particular family line.  They are there to pick up the discarded memories, forms, and habits of the dead  and employ them as a way to penetrate into the lives of people living in the physical domain.  The true individual, the non-contrived identity of a person, very quickly loses interest in the physical domain upon death.  This is mainly because a very potent reconciliation takes place, a realization that all other human identities already live within the personality. With this realization comes the profound understanding and experience that physical death was no death at all, but rather a return to the fullness of oneself and ones divine humanity.  The incessant need to hold on to opinions and worldly matters in the postmortem states is due solely to selfish and worldly attachments.  These attachments come only to those that are bogged down by opinions and hostility toward even the resemblance of truth and tradition.

Those that remain in the dark and are too ashamed to be exposed to the light of the noetic world, (because it reveals their deeds and thoughts) remain in the middle plateau, and essentially make attempts to deceive the living and the newly deceased for nothing more than a deep hostility toward whatever degree of purity and innocence a being possesses. This is a form of envy on the part of the dark.  Innocence and purity is the light of a being, their clarity before the generational debts go into effect.  I did not learn or truly understand this until I had children.  It was then that I also learned that those that hurt children or seek to assault that innocence are indeed the darkest and most depraved among the living.

But again, I do not want to focus soley on the dark.  The reconciliation of ones being only becomes more pronounced the higher into the Empyrean the dead person travels.  Let me go a bit further with this before closing Part II.

A human being can never know God in totality.  In other words, God can never appear to our physical or inner vision because to do so means God would have to become imperfect or less than total sacrality in order to fit within the perception of our sense organs.  Any appearance of God would not be God, but an imperfect representation of some type.  This pattern of imperfect representation is found throughout the “multiverse”.  The quest of all seekers is to penetrate these imperfect images and representations down to the root.  This all boils down to a reversion that must take place within the personality, a reversion (while living) that causes the human individuality to replace the outer physical world by converting it to an inner reality that is an offshoot or emanation of the personality itself.  This means. essentially, that the more an individual ascends while living (or dead) the more they expand and become all things.  The individual personality, upon travelling back to the noetic realities (which already encompass the physical domain) literally becomes all things including all people. This is the reconciliation.  Not only do you remain yourself, you also become everything else.  The first budding of this experience comes through compassion and empathy, which are themselves representation only of this reconciliation.  If you do not possess these, a large portion of your humanity is presently missing.  This reconciliation is the reality of death through the lens of ascent.  While the individual certainly retains their individuality, it becomes more real and encompassing of others.  Gradually the individual realizes itself as not only the Seraph but much much more.

In 1999 when I was 23 years old, I was sitting in my study, which was a tiny room filled with my books, a desk, computer and loveseat.  At the time, my only real friend was my dog, an American Bulldog named Bane that I took with me everywhere I went.  He would always lay down in that room when I was reading and struggling to understand the things I was being driven to understand.  At some point while reading one night, I came to a strange yet profound realization that the entire world was existing within me.  The intensity of this experience increased until I found myself floating in what appeared to be “outer space”, an endless void full of brilliant lights.  I began to understand that if I moved my hands or feet that my “personality” would move clean across this universe.  Soon a very strange thought occurred to me, “I am everything and I have always been everything.”  Even though I was still my individual self, I managed to experience everything at once including every other individual life and moment in time.  All of this took place within the framework of my individuality.  While many people would kill for such an experience, it shattered me almost completely.  I suffered a four year long depression that nearly ended with an attempt to shoot myself in the head.  The truth be told I lost everything including a young family and a small fortune.  This event shattered my understanding of what God was and what I was at heart.  There was no possibility any longer that God existed in heaven or that by merely being good I could somehow make it there.  The reality was that God was hiding himself within me and I was merely a disguise.  I had been secretly keeping this from myself since I was a very young boy–I somehow managed to produce the world through this diversion.

For many years I misunderstood this inner experience, which was truly a blessing.  I went into an existential crisis of almost pure solipsis, which was a nightmare I can barely express.  All of my demons know me well.  The problem over the last couple years has been their inability to destroy me or to “steal half of my light” as they had said on an earlier occasion.  They have largely been exorcised from my life, but there are times, when conditions are just right, that they can penetrate into my world in some way in an attempt to promote the same ambiguity they have always presented to me. 

There are no solid answers to be found in any of this, only the delusion of innovative ideas that are really modes through which the dark disguises itself.  In the following post, which will end this series, I will discuss this ambiguity and use several examples of how the “visitor” delusion is really a supernatural form of trauma based mind control with the goal of obsession and the squandering of human life.

Read more: Transmissions From The Imaginal