From Trump’s succession to Hillary’s concession — and most points in between — it’s time for a look back at the week that was. Personal Liberty Digest® presents: The WIRE!
President-elect Trump, meet President Obama. The two men managed to smile through their meeting, although the tension was seriously hard to miss.
“I can’t believe I’m giving this place up to a giant Cheeto.” “That’s hilarious. Now get your crap out my house, you jug-eared pansy.”
While their husbands met for a historic first time, the current and future first ladies shared a few moments. “Let me give you some tips on how to make a good impression, Melania.”
”Thanks Michelle, but I think I’m good.”
In a bit of sad news: most, if not all, of the celebrities who promised to leave the country if Trump won are already walking back their promises.
Damn. That means 4 more years of off-key yowling and vagina jokes.
Voters in Californistan took the Trump win particularly hard, beginning a “Calexit” movement to secede from the union. Um, are we supposed to object?
What can we do to smooth the process for you?
Compare and contrast: anti-Trump protests in 2016 vs. anti-Obama protests in 2008/2012:
Impulse control. It’s a side effect of being gainfully employed.
Of course, Democrat protesters took their tantrums to the street, blocking tired commuters and travelers on interstates.
When we told you idiots to “go play in traffic,” this isn’t what we meant.
Pop singer Lady Gaga ditched the Nazi outfits, “meat” dresses and egg cocoons to demand a different result. Note to the NFL: given your issues this season, maybe you should reconsider having her for halftime of the Super Bowl.
Madonna Jr. here can use the time to learn how presidential elections work.
Comedienne Chelsea Handler won all the self-important celebrity awards, claiming she had changed her mind about leaving the country after her staff told her she is “needed more than ever.”
Your “staff” was lying. America needs you as much as it needs foot fungus. Enjoy your new home.
As of Friday, over 600,000 democrats had signed a petition demanding the abolition of the electoral college and/or overturning of the electoral results.
Thereby demonstrating the “value” of a Gender Studies degree.
Remember when the Democrats got their hackles up because they thought Trump might not accept the results of the election?
Hillary voters, seen here “accepting” the results of the election.
Disgruntled liberals took to social media to organize the rioting. “Hey anyone know if there are any #notmypresident solidarity meet ups in LA?”
Shouldn’t be too tough to find. Just head to the nearest mommy’s basement.
American Democrats weren’t the only ones disappointed by Hillary’s electoral defeat.
“Does this mean we have to go back to paying full retail for uranium?”
Democrats were left waiting on election night after Hillary lieutenant John Podesta told “victory” party attendees to go home.
“She’ll be out as soon as we pry her claws out of the door frame.”
When they finally did get the old girl onstage to address the troops, she seemed more than a little off.
“How many Xanax did you have to give her to get her up there?” “All of them.”
Hillary’s running mate, Virginia Senator Tim Kaine, actually looked relieved to put this whole train wreck behind him.
Either that, or his laxative just kicked in.
Democrats: “With the Republicans in control of the White House and both houses of Congress, you can pretty much say goodbye to everything that President Obama built in his two terms.”
They say that like it’s a bad thing.
And that’s your week in review! For the Personal Liberty Digest®, I’m Ben Crystal saying “See you next week, on The WIRE!”