The Unsinkable Michael Brown! Just when you think the insanity of the last eight years was waning, up jumps the devil. Now we’re entertained by “Michael Brown, The Sequel.” Oh, I’m sure you remember the Oscar nominated first run. Fat Albert was just a strolling down the street, on the way to church, I’m sure, and that mean old officer shot him for being black. Then of course we had to burn Ferguson down, Black Lives started mattering, and Obama had yet ANOTHER son that looked like him. Let’s think about that last statement. Trayvon Martin looked like him, Michael Brown looked like him, hmmmm, I am NOT going to make the obvious racial slur that just begs to come out, but I digress.
So now we have new footage challenging what happened at the store the night before Michael walked the streets of glory. Naturally, his family, and supporters rallied to the cause telling us that it was NOT an assault at the store the next day, it was a dope deal gone bad! Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit! That certainly clears things up, now doesn’t it. The jolly giant wasn’t strong arming a store clerk, he was exchanging cigarillos for weed. Now doesn’t that put everything in perspective? I feel much better now!
Now we can progress to the civil trial. You heard me right. We are going to have to endure the reversal of the facts, tailored to elevate Brown to sainthood, complete with the angelic pictures. I can just see it now, The Michael Brown Foundation, The Micheal Brown Boys Club, why shucks, The Michael Brown VFW! God bless America!
Only problem is it ain’t gonna work this time. There’s a new sheriff in town, you know, that guy I told you about yesterday? If you want to know what he thinks about ludicrous just ask all them Mexicans on the way home right now. All the “Home Boys” need to make a note to self, “Don’t bull rush a cop with a gun!” Heck, I learned THAT in the seventh grade. I’m just waiting for someone to weave in the term “assassination.” Back in the day you had to be a president, king, or at least a Duke. Then prominent leaders were let it, and now we’ll probably expand the definition to include dope dealers, pimps, and homeless people who sleep in the biggest box. Ok people, let me educate you. Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. John F. Kennedy was assassinated. Martian Luther King was assassinated. Michael Brown got SHOT!