10 Jaw-dropping Absurdities Brought to You By the Right Wing

October 26, 2013
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1. Kevin Swanson is begging you not to buy those lesbian Girl Scout cookies

How, you might ask, can a cookie be lesbian? And which one is the most lesbian? Is it the famous chocolate covered Thin Mints, or those scrumptious Do-si-dos Peanut Butter Sandwiches?

Right-wing pastor Kevin Swanson is not buying sweets from his local Girl Scouts. And he doesn’t want you to, either. Because if you do, you are helping them to promote this oh-so-harmless-seeming, but secrety dastardly organization’s lesbian agenda and also its baby-killing agenda. Also, they’re commies.

“I don’t want to support lesbianism, I don’t want to support Planned Parenthood and I don’t want to support abortion, and if that be the case I’m not buying Girl Scout cookies,” he neatly summed up on his radio show this week.

Where does he get these ideas about what is truly behind the Girl Scouts? We don’t know. Perhaps they come from the little voices in his head, which are also telling him the Girl Scouts of the USA is “a wicked organization,” that doesn’t promote “godly womanhood.”

“The vision of the Girl Scouts of America is antithetical to a biblical vision for womanhood,” he said. “It’s antithetical to it.” Because Girl Scouts encourage girls to be independent, or dependent on other girls and women, which is very, very wicked indeed.

And nothing screams independent woman more than Do-si-do.

2. Men’s Righter, Paul Elam: It’s okay not to care about female rape victims

Men’s rights. What could be bad? Sounds so innocuous. Men should have rights. Everyone should have rights. Wait, who is taking away men’s rights? Why, feminists of course. And also rape victims. Whaaa…?

Men’s Rights Movement rockstar Paul Elam, famous for, among other statements, “while beautiful women may fear rape, fat, ugly ones might secretly covet it” shockingly defended his successor, John Hembling, for saying he didn’t “give a fuck about rape victims anymore,” in a video quoted by the Daily Beast. Meaning, of course, female rape victims, because he does give a fuck about male rape victims, as we all should.

“I don’t find it particularly hyperbolic for a man to say, ‘I’m not gonna give a damn about female rape victims anymore,’” Elam, founder of the website A Voice for Men, said in a video posted Sunday on YouTube. “They have tons of money, of law enforcement, of special programs funded by the government, of social consciousness – schools have Take Back The Night rallies, everything you can possibly think of.” Later he said, “I stand behind John for making that video.”

Oddly, Hembling, the editor-in-chief for A Voice for Men, didn’t quite stand behind the video because he took it down from his own Youtube channel, although he’s left plenty of clues indicative of his mindset towards women. At one point he said he was attracted to the intellectual underpinnings of the men’s rights movement because women are “without the capacity for moral agency.”

‘Nuff said.

3. N.C. Republican official doesn’t want those lazy blacks voting

Don Yelton, the now-former N.C. voting official, made a splash this week when he told Jon Stewart that his state’s new stringent voter I.D. law is sound, because “if it hurts a bunch of lazy blacks that want the government to give them everything, so be it.” He assured the “Daily Show” host that he is not racist, though, and by way of illustration, pointed out that, N*** say n**** all the time so what’s really racist is not letting white people say n****. Especially when they just really love saying that word.

Source: Alternet