Another reason to avoid Timmies

The first change I noticed after the Brazilian hedgies at 3G Capital took over Tim Hortons was they did away with the garbage containers in their drive-throughs.

Doesn’t seem like a big deal on the face of it. After all, you’re offering a convenience to the customer; a bin to collect yesterday’s Timmies trash as you’re going through the drive-thru today. And what does it cost them to provide this service? Next to nothing. A couple of times per day some min wage workee spends five minutes changing the bags in those garbage bins.

But here’s why I’m an obscure blogger and brilliant big-picture capitalists are billionaire hedge fund managers. I figure emptying the trash costs next to nothing. The big-picture MBA types realize that “next to nothing” across thousands of stores equals enough of something to warrant stamping it out.

Here’s another “next to nothing” the sharpies at 3G have eliminated; a serviette with your donut. You used to get a paper napkin when you picked up a donut at the drive-thru window. No more. Although a paper serviette costs next to nothing, the MBAs at 3G correctly concluded that next to nothing across millions of apple fritters per day could make the difference between a new Porsche and a used Dodge van when it’s time to spend that annual bonus cheque.

There’s a guy piloting a new 911 Turbo down a Brazilian expressway today who thanks you for licking the donut glaze off your fingers and wiping them on the bag your donut came in.

You don’t even miss the serviettes, do you!

But these are mere micro-agressions. (micro-agressions! Am I with it or what?! My kid with the Social Justice degree from York University would be proud!)

Here’s some more serious shit (macro-aggression?); Burger King animal feed sourced from deforested lands in Brazil and Bolivia. It appears that our brilliant 3G Brazillian hedgies who own Timmies and Burger King and Popeyes are all-in for raping the wilderness to get cheap cattle feed!

You can bet the guy who came up with that idea is driving more than a Porsche…

I’m guessing Bugatti or Maclaren.