Gillette's New Brutally Honest Super Bowl Commercial (Parody)

When you look in the mirror in the morning…what do you see? If it’s anything resembling Caucasian, the odds of you being highly toxic, worthy of gun confiscation and a borderline terrorist are extremely high.

At Gillette, we realized a long time ago that providing a cheap, reliable, disposable razor wasn’t good enough. As proud members of the (slave-labor-exploiting) Proctor & Gamble family we feel that injecting our pathetic values into the current anti-white male narrative by assembling and placing the most ridiculous, hypocritical and virtue signaling ad into the collective conscience of the masses, is a great way to put a new face…a fresh face….a soy face…a gender fluid face…an all inclusive (except for white heterosexual male) face onto one of the most popular brands in the world.

Even though, in our original ad campaign we depicted a black rapper grossly exploiting and objectifying two women…we disingenuously took that out to reflect the fallacy we’re trying to shove down your sheep-like, gullible, entitled throats… that most toxic masculinity on the planet must come from you, you white heterosexual males, who will probably not want to buy our products again…but that’s a chance we’re willing to take. We have and will continue to use our crappy gender-nonspecific razors to cut off our nose to spite our face.

Because we are the best a man can get (it’s maam) Excuse me…maam…we’re the best a maam can get. Sorry ma’am who has no problem acting like a 2-year old and causing property damaged because someone didn’t use the right gender pronoun.

And while our ad tried to paint this white guy out as highly toxic because he simply corrected what this woman said in front of all these other privileged white guys in this board room meeting…we hope like hell you don’t catch us and call us out on our gross hypocrisy for engaging in some serious female objectifying. After all we felt and still do feel, even though we want to make you melanin-challenged men feel bad for doing innocuous things like letting your kids scrap during a barbecue, that Gillette is the best an ass can get…I mean the best a man can get.

(clip that’s maam) sorry, the best a maam can get.

Never mind that we wrapped these attractive young white women in skin tight plastic clothing and slapped our names on their cute little asses so that we could attract the attention of what we now call toxic white males for doing things like going after cute girls who also have cute asses… we want you to know that your toxic, white privileged and disgusting masculinity, which we’ve tried many times to exploit ourselves to boost our quarterly sales, will no longer by tolerated and will be dealt with speedily by the nearest virtuous man of color in your area.

Gillette is the best a hypocritical, gender non-binary, gender fluid, man can get (that’s maam) excuse me the best a 2-year old, uber-reactionary, undisciplined, property-damaging maam can get.

Gillette proud sponsor of the soy-boy beta games.

When you have no balls to say what needs to be said in a world that calls truth “hate-speech” and you can’t misgender someone without getting slapped with a lawsuit by a green-haired college student, with a lip ring, who pulled their SJW-priviledge card…Gillette is really the best an emasculated LEFTIST can get.