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Biden Promises Bezos "Eternal Lockdowns" to Boost Amazon's Fortune

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President-elect Joe Biden and Amazon founder Jeff Bezos met secretly on Monday to discuss Amazon’s roll in a Covid-19 world. Biden was spotted at Millville Executive Airport boarding a chartered Learjet that flew him and an entourage of five caretakers to Seattle’s Boeing Field, where three of Bezos’ personal security guards ushered him into a limousine and drove to the billionaire’s 30,000-square-foot estate on the outskirts of Medina.

An Amazon leaker familiar with the meeting said Bezos and Biden dined on Freshwater Polka Dot Stingray and American Wagyu strip steaks before discussing ways to simultaneously increase Amazon’s market capitalization value and shut down small business competitors through continued lockdowns and fines for staying open in defiance of local, city and state ordinances.

Covid-19 lockdowns have bankrupted tens of thousands of small businesses across all economic sectors, while Amazon and its avaricious founder have profited immensely throughout the pandemic. Amazon’s stock, which is up 74% this year, is expected to skyrocket even higher as more hard-working Americans are forced of business.

According to our source, a maniacal Bezos told Biden “I want to be even richer, and I need you and your friend to make that happen. The more I have, the more you have. We need nationwide lockdowns.” Biden purportedly said he was uncertain about whether his soon-to-be presidential powers would give him absolute authority to impose a protracted, nationwide shutdown, but he promised to investigate all questionably legal possibilities.

Moreover, Biden floated the idea of creating government-funded Amazon vouchers, which would be given to Americans in place of Covid-19 stimulus checks. These payments would ensure that money pushed into the economy is funneled directly to Amazon. Such a move would undoubtedly cripple surviving businesses while making Amazon and Bezos wealthier than they already are.

“This is part of the Covid agenda, keeping rich people rich and making everyone else either poor or completely dependent on government aid. Bezos has been meeting with prominent Democrats—Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff, Chuck Schumer—since the pandemic began. All these people have two things in common: they favor indefinite lockdowns and own a lot of stock in Amazon,” our source said.

Biden told Bezoz that a Democrat-controlled senate would go a long way toward making “eternal lockdowns” a reality and suggested that Amazon employ “considerable resources” to “nail the coffin shut” on Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue, both of whom oppose vigorous lockdowns. Their opponents—Democrat candidates Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff—favor permanent lockdowns, digital Covid-19 travel passports, and a mandated Covid-19 vaccination program. Like Biden, they are Amazon shareholders.

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