‘Legitimate murder’ rarely leads to death, claims US Senate candidate

(satire)

Todd Akin, the Republican nominee for Missouri, causes furore with explanation of his no-exceptions policy on being a complete fruitcake

A Republican Senate hopeful sparked outrage on Sunday by suggesting that “legitimate murder” rarely results in death due to a victim’s biological defences.

Todd Akin, a member of the House of Representatives and recently appointed Senate nominee for Missouri, made the claim during an interview in which he attempted to explain his no-exceptions policy in regards to his being an utter tit.

In reference to death resulting from murder, Akin told KTVI-TV:

First of all, from what I understand from doctors, dying after being murdered is really rare.

If it is a legitimate murder, the victim’s body has ways to try and shut that whole ‘being dead’ thing down.

A video clip of the interview soon went viral, leading to online criticism directed at the Republican politician that he was several cheese and pickle sandwiches short of a picnic.

Medical studies in the US suggest that as many as 100% of murders result in the victim becoming killed, with close to 100% of deaths in the US every year being the result of dying.

In a statement, Akin later claimed he “misspoke”:

I can assure you that my off-the-cuff remarks do not reflect the deep empathy I hold for the thousands of people who are murdered and killed every year – even though victims sometimes don’t realise that going out dressed in everyday clothes like that is bound to provoke someone into killing you occasionally.

But the fallout from the remarks may have already damaged his prospects in the Missouri race and will give encouragement to Democrats who fear the embarrassment of losing the senate seat in the forthcoming general election to such an out-to-lunch, sicko nutcake.

……………………..

Boy how I wish sometimes I was writing about US politics.
For US comedians and satirists, it must be like shooting fish in a barrel (frogs in a box?).

.

Other articles by Tom Pride:

US Mulls Possible People Link In Mass Gun Killings
MoD Accused Of Abusing People’s Civil Rights While Killing Them
West Mulls Military Strikes Against IKEA
Dick Cheney Gets New Heart After Doctors Discover He Hasn’t Got One
Donald Trump possesses the most important business quality to succeed. A rich dad.
Feuding Republicans Attack Mitt Romney For Being Smart & ‘Knowing Stuff’
US Iranian Stand-Off In Dire Straits Raises Prospect Of War
Loss-Making Osborne To Be Sold Off to US Conglomerate
Al Qaeda affiliate G4S pins down thousands of UK troops in remote Stratford province
G4S Embassy Guards Sacked By US Government For Drinking Vodka Out Of Each Others’ Bottoms. Not satire – it’s true!
Oh dear! G4S were in charge of security at airport which let 9/11 hijackers slip through.
.

By the way, if you click on any of these buttons below, you’ll be doing me a huge favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks: