Yer gotta accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative

 The Slog devotes & column to the upside of today’s big stories – the growing support for SPA injustice against older women, the intrepid denials of Theresa May, the win-win aspect of American mid-term elections, and another victory against overwhelming odds for the African Okapi against Mr William Sitwell.

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A person who’s opinion I respect very much told me this morning that The Slog is overfilled with anger and I’m in danger of turning into a grumpy old man. There’s no doubt at all that (even if the disgust and anger is justified) this was a sound observation: after all, the last thing I want this site to become is monotone.

So today (well, just for a little while) I’m going to stress the positive side of a randomly selected series of contemporary events.

There is a string of good news coming through for the Waspi/2020 anti-State Pension embezzlement case. Despite trying to appear calm, the Government is not scoring any points with the judiciary, and things are now close to something of a legal showdown. Furthermore, in an odd fit of morality, The Times of London has adopted the SPA scandal cause and is giving the Government a demmed good bashing.

I have been hunting all night for an ulterior motive explaining why Mr Roo Par Diggeryank, the world’s most nationalitied man, has ordered this defence of older women, and can only assume that it must be the influence of his partner Ms Jerry Tall, her being no doubt well ticked off by having to wait for her State pension.

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And good news from Downing Street, too: Theresa May has categorically reassured the Cabinet about her physical health:

Panic was widespread in Whitehall yesterday after seven ambulances and a giant gas tanker sped through the gates of Downing Street and began feeding a large inflation-pipe through the ground floor window. The Cabinet Office had earlier issued a strong denial of the blogosphere claim that the Prime Minister was now so close to being a doormat for Brussels, there were fears she would become completely two-dimensional at any moment.

This amazing shot later circulated in Fleet Street, suggesting that all had not gone entirely according to plan with the emergency air injection….

….but sources close to the PM dismissed the photo as “an obvious fake, because the PM prefers the role of Miss Whiplash to that of Cat Woman”.

So all’s well that ends well, and our plucky Theresa is fit and ready to return to the rough and tumble of Never Say No.

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And yet more encouraging news from the US, as another election is announced to confirm yet again that this world-leading power is democratic through and through. What’s more, the Nice Party – called, not unnaturally, the Democrats – is seen by Democrats as likely to get out a big protest vote against Bad Guy Donald Trump, the warmongering, anti-ecology racist Russian spy racist who somehow got into the White House on the back of votes that would normally go to the, er, Democrats.

So if the Democrats are right, it’ll be great news for America, for the planet, for women, for Mexicans, for the Poor, and especially for Blacks, who hate Trump so much, they didn’t vote in their millions last time.

However, there are some other politicians involved in all this. They’re beneath contempt and shouldn’t be able to attract votes anyway, because they are the Horrible Party. OK, so their real name is the Republicans but they don’t care about the Republic at all, they’re just reactionary and unwilling to get with the Progressive project. They’re so horrible in fact, they have the gall to suggest that the Democrats are not really democrats. They oppose upstanding radicals like Antifa, and accuse the Clinton family of such horrendous crimes, it’s hard to imagine how any human being worth keeping alive could even think such a thing, which is why Democrats would like to stop anyone thinking bad things about the Nice Party.

However, quite a lot of Americans no longer trust any congressional politicians at all. They don’t trust Governors, Big Party activists, Mayors, police chiefs, the major media, the military, the Fed Reserve, the State Department, the Cabinet, the oil business, the FBI, the CIA, Wall Street, or the Department of Justice. These people and the people who think Democrat liberals are actually undemocratic fascists do tend to overlap quite a bit with each other. You know, there are some psephologists who actually believe that, together, they got Donald Trump elected. No really – there are.

Now the President, as it happens, ran on a Horrible Party ticket, but the Horrible Party bigwigs don’t really like him, because he’s an outspoken loose cannon. What’s more, he doesn’t trust the media, the Fed, the FBI, Wall Street or Texas oil barons either.

So if the Horrible Party he adopted wins the mid-term elections – that is, retains control of Congress – it’ll be great news for America, free speech, democratic plurality, and every free thinking citizen who wants to stick it to the intolerant Establishment.

So whichever way the result goes, it’s good news. And that’s the American Way.

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No post designed to raise our spirits on this dismal Monday would be complete without the celebration of a victory for the vulnerable animals on Planet Earth who don’t want to be eaten. I know that I for one would hate to be eaten, even if I was already dead. Yes alright, I know that if I was dead I wouldn’t feel anything, but this has nothing to do with science: this is all about feelings and that’s why people like me are always right.

Over and over people tell me that scientifically, Homo sapiens is an omnivorous species but I don’t care about that. It is simply wrong to kill any living being, or even steal its milk, eggs and all those other things scientists say are full of iron and calcium and who is to say that while sheep do have a spinal cord and thus feel pain, cabbages don’t? You see all those vegetarians who only draw the line at meat don’t get that, do they? If the cabbage feels more than the sheep, then it’s even worse to eat the cabbage than it is to eat the no wait a minute, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t eat cabbage or that makes it OK to eat lamb I’m saying that only Vegans are doing the right thing by the Planet and the cabbages I mean who needs milk and eggs apart from babies, ill people, and criminals who like cakes, cheese on toast and all that rubbish?

And as for all that crap about other animals eating each other and we’re just animals well it’s a sad lookout if we haven’t risen above that level isn’t it? The fact that we haven’t evolved and are still animals is the problem, right? The fact that calves and lambs and even little giraffes drink milk goes to prove my point: they’re only animals,whereas we should know better. This is one long and sorry tale of human violence, and has no part in the Vegan way of thinking. This is obvious just by reading sites like The Vegan Punk. His apparel alone and self-description simply scream pacifist:

Vegan agitator, animal liberation activist

Every veggie meat eater should read his wise words and learn:

“There are health warnings on cigarettes, so I thought I’d put some on bacon as well”

There you are – a perfectly peaceful protest, and while technically it is a criminal offence, some just causes have to be above the law. That’s what pacifism is all about. And don’t give me all that guff about humans eating bacon for thousands of years. That’s not the point of veganism.

Standing up for animals is also about getting carnivorous cooks like William Sitwell fired from Waitrose for replying to a vegan journalist with a rude note. Not only is it important to get the truth out there, it’s equally important to stop counter-truths from getting out there. Because that’s how progressive thinking moves forward.

So just to sum up on the unbridled joy of this vegan victory, a man who gives offence to a fast-growing, repressed minority of the population is a bully and deserves to lose his job, whereas a vegan activist on Facebook who admits to committing a crime is left well alone by the police.

I think we can all agree that this really does prove how – at all levels in our society – the tide is turning in favour of a more healthy, enlightened, tolerant, peaceful and just culture.

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More serious bit: I’m obviously being very unfair to my friend, who only has my best mental health interests at heart, does have a terrific sense of humour and thus isn’t going to take this post seriously.

The positive versus the negative in every form of essayism and journalism is a philosophical question that is as old as the hills. On the one hand, being negative all the time runs the risk of turning into a serial moaner….and that’s not a good thing for either writer or audience. Non-stop pessimism can also instill in the disgruntled a sense of sheer hopelessness that turns into a sort of vapid apathy.

On the other, positivity at the expense of overall reality is dangerous in that it persuades the majority of citizens in many countries that things “are alright really”. Victorian society in Britain operated on this principle, and writers like Dickens, Disraeli and Trollope achieved a great deal by pointing out the falsehoods being put about by the Establishment.

At the bottom line, for me the most important things in life are the greatest fulfilment of the greatest number possible, a sense of humour, an ability to listen to other opinions in silence, and a preparedness to be unpopular when passing mores take over from timeless social ethics.

I am more of a glass half-empty person. Too often, I drink the first half too quickly. But in the flesh (if that isn’t arousing too much unhealthy interest) most people find me engaging, funny and cheerful rather than a misery….as does my friend. Perhaps I should be investigating ways in which that reality can be made more obvious to people. And if that’s true, the the advice was worth it’s weight in gold. 

JW x