G7 Who?

The heads of government gathering for the G7 this week will be familiar with one another; seasoned politicians all they are closely attuned to each-others’ domestic standing, approvals and prospects. There will be private commiserations for Italy’s Conte, who against early expectations has proven capable. Next year the seven will have to welcome (probably) Prime Minister Salvini.

But hold on, you say. In all those photo calls there are not seven but nine grinning ninnies – who are the two extras? They are, of course, the comedy duo from the EU. Like the smelly kids from the local dysfunctional family with the alcoholic parents, they just have to be invited to other childrens’ birthday parties out of common decency (but Mum! Why do they have to come? They never bring presents..) . The duo don’t of course understand stuff such as democracy and elections so all such talk goes over their heads, but they will dutifully stand at either end of the elected heads of government photo-call line-up like bureaucrat bookends and gurn at the camera as though they were normal.

Except this year there will be only one. One bookend is having his sciatica removed or something. But at least the real politicians will recognise the other one – which will not be the case next year.

Toronto 2020. “You’re the Presidents of what? Sorry, Lady, you’re not on my list, and neither is this little guy.. see we’ve got Canada, the US, the UK, Japan, Italy, Germany and France right there, and the drunken guy and his pet monkey are probably doing some photocopying somewhere .. they’re not coming? You’re the new drunken guy .. er, I mean Lady?..OK let me make a call …”