Really....its Really Fixed

Buy the dipmthrfker. So we bought our own shares and the Central Bank bought our steaming shit shares. Then we handed off our steaming pile of shit to the retail buyers and their ETFs and their mutual funds and their retirement funds. So WTF could go wrong?? NOW that all the suckers are in, WHAT could possibly go wrong?
We pumped this market up for 10 years with our central bank intervention and put you to sleep while you dreamed that you had become a brilliant investor.

So now we’re just in a little trouble. We couldn’t see this coming. Its a “Natural” disaster……NOT of our doing but yours because we’ve warned you for over a year to be careful. We even trotted out Dalio and Druckenmiller and others to tell you to get into gold. Did you think we could run our ponzi to the moon? You’re just not being fair to us. There’s only so much we can do to keep you safe. You can’t be a Buttfox and stick your head in the sand. 

“Worst Thing In My Career” – US Stocks Suffer Fastest Collapse From Record Highs Since Great Depression
We aren’t really mamsypamsy hand holders. In fact we’re gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck. Just to demonstrate what we can do to you we just dumped on you. Soon we’re going to steal all of your put option lunch money like we have for the past 10 years. You’re stupid and we know it. You’ll listen to anything we tell you.

Very soon we’re going to rip you apart with a monstrous short squeeze. We’re going to tell you that we’re going to “probably” lol drop interest rates to negative 5% lol. We’re going to tell you the Nationalist Chinese team is coming to buy stawks lol. Then we’re gonna tell you that we found a vaccine for the COV. Then we’re gonna get you all warm and fuzzy in a few weeks and just REAM every orifice you have. You’ll be so dizzy and hungover, you’ll think you were at a Lindsey Lohan sleepover. 

So just to reassure you let me repeat…The virus is cured….A recession is not going to occur…….No one is going to die….The virus is CONtained……We’ve got you back…..and most of all DON’T buy Gold. Good luck and sleep tight dipshits.