Don’t Read This!

Don’t Read This!

By William Bezanson

What? Are you still reading this? What did the title say?

Ah! I can guess that you are a rebel. You’re probably a wet paint toucher, too. If a sign says “Wet Paint”, you likely touch the painted object to check if the sign is correct.

I’m that way also. I’m a literalist. I saw a sign on a bridge once, stating “Do Not Pass”! So I stopped driving. I obeyed the sign. (It horrified my wife beside me. She thought I might cause an accident.)

 
How Do We Read?

In this article I’m going to write about being a literalist and how to handle various situations where you and I might respond differently from the great masses out there.

So, what does all that have to do with OMTimes, with spirituality, or with metaphysics? A great deal, to my mind.

 
We Read with More Than Our Eyes…

Let me explain. We readers of OMTimes are a special breed. We weird folk see things differently from what “normal” people see. We approach the world from a higher vantage point, we see into the truth of things, and we try to understand the spiritual aspects of everyday happenings. We constantly ask “Why?” We recognize that the World consists not only of the physical plane, but also a spiritual plane, and perhaps others.

 
Some Literal Examples to Read

So, now let me give you some examples of some word plays and literalisms that amuse me and that perhaps illustrate my points above. I hope that you can gain some amusement from them also.

First, let us look as some simple self-referential sentences. These refer to themselves, and are great fun to ponder: This sentence is false.

The preceding sentence is true.

When you are not reading it, this sentence is in Spanish.

This sentence contains exactly threee erors.

You can’t have “your cake” and spell it “too”.