As of today, it has been 273 (call it an absolute zero) days since Clinton’s last formal press conference on December 4, 2015, something even the left-leaning WaPo and NYT have expressed outrage against. Naturally, as questions mount if and when the Democratic Presidential candidate will finally speak to the press, overnight Clinton’s press secretary, Brian Fallon, had some good news, when he assured an ABC News podcast that she will hold regular press conferences, but under one condition.

That she is president, or as Nancy Pelosi might put it, “you have to elect her, to ask her questions.”

This is not a joke: this is how ABC put it, “Clinton’s lead press secretary, Brian Fallon, vowed that if elected, “Hillary Clinton will hold press conferences.” And here we were worried that if elected, Hillary would serve Clinton Foundation corporation and Middle Eastern donors for (at least) 4 years without speaking to the press at least once (an idea Trump may want to consider).

Fallon, seemingly unaware of how this statement sounded, added that “The amount of interaction can only go up,” noting that the traveling press will soon be flying with Clinton on her new campaign plane.

“I’m sure that will bring with it a lot of opportunities for additional access to the candidate and interactions between her and the traveling press corps that covers her every day,” Fallon told ABC News’ chief White House correspondent Jonathan Karl, and political director Rick Klein on the podcast.

He continued: “we are very respectful of the press and the job that they have to do. We have done a lot of interviews, but I know that no matter how many questions we answer in a variety of formats, it is the press’s job to always demand more access. We respect that, and so we’re going to seek further ways to accommodate that in the remaining months of the campaign.”

So… maybe at least one more press conference before November 8?

Of course, it’s just the press that a “very respectful” Hillary has shut out: as the NYT’s Amy Chozick put it, “Hillary hasn’t been hiding this summer. She’s been answering constant questions… from the ultra wealthy.” In other words, if anyone wants to know what Hillary is thinking just ask her. But first make sure you have at least 8 figures in your bank account, and are willing and able to “donate” a substantial portion of it.

At a private fund-raiser Tuesday night at a waterfront Hamptons estate, Hillary Clinton danced alongside Jimmy Buffett, Jon Bon Jovi and Paul McCartney, and joined in a singalong finale to “Hey Jude.”

Mr. Trump has pointed to Mrs. Clinton’s noticeably scant schedule of campaign events this summer to suggest she has been hiding from the public. But Mrs. Clinton has been more than accessible to those who reside in some of the country’s most moneyed enclaves and are willing to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to see her. In the last two weeks of August, Mrs. Clinton raked in roughly $50 million at 22 fund-raising events, averaging around $150,000 an hour, according to a New York Times tally.

What the NYT is really telling us is that just as Hillary collected anywhere between $150 and $250k per hour-long “speech” before her presidential campaign from influence peddling corporations and sovereigns, she is now doing… pretty much the same.

And while Mrs. Clinton has faced criticism for her failure to hold a news conference for months, she has fielded hundreds of questions from the ultrarich in places like the Hamptons, Martha’s Vineyard, Beverly Hills and Silicon Valley.

Hillary Clinton arrived last Sunday for a fund-raiser at a private
home in North Haven, N.Y.

It also appears that Hillary’s a la carte pay-to-play menu has expanded:

For a donation of $2,700, the children (under 16) of donors at an event last month at the Sag Harbor, N.Y., estate of the hedge fund magnate Adam Sender could ask Mrs. Clinton a question. A family photo with Mrs. Clinton cost $10,000, according to attendees.

The Rotschilds were particularly caring:

Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild, a backer of Democrats and a friend of the Clintons’, made sure attendees did not grill Mrs. Clinton at the $100,000-per-couple lamb dinner Mrs. Forester de Rothschild hosted under a tent on the lawn of her oceanfront Martha’s Vineyard mansion.“I said, ‘Let’s make it a nice night for her and show her our love,’”

Mrs. Forester de Rothschild said.

Justin Timberlake, just another member of the middle class, was especially thrilled with a recent close encounter with the presidential candidate “for the people.”

Look WHO DID come over for lunch… Wow.
#ImWithHer pic.twitter.com/1pX4V4mUxq

— Justin Timberlake (@jtimberlake) August 23, 2016

But for once, the damning condemnation belongs to the NYT:

“If Mr. Trump appears to be waging his campaign in rallies and network interviews, Mrs. Clinton’s second presidential bid seems to amount to a series of high-dollar fund-raisers with public appearances added to the schedule when they can be fit in. Last week, for example, she diverged just once from her packed fund-raising schedule to deliver a speech…. when she has had a give-and-take this summer about issues, Mrs. Clinton, who has promised to “reshuffle the deck” in favor of the middle class and portrayed Mr. Trump as an out-of-touch billionaire, has almost exclusively been fielding the concerns of the wealthiest Americans.

And while Hillary’s transcripts from her countless Wall Street speeches are now forever “lost”, perhaps a recording of some of Hillary’s presentations at one or more of these ultra-exclusive Hamptons “fundraisers” will finally emerge. After all, it was the infamous recording of Mitt Romney’s statement about the “47%” that finally crushed his chances to become president almost exactly one year ago. One can be dead certain that the comments coming out of Hillary’s mouth, if revealed, would be far more dire to her image as “one of the people.”

As for the press, so desperate to ask Hillary a question, perhaps you should have been born to rich Hillary donor parents. That, or to paraphrase Janet Yellen, you should have just been rich, and able to afford the $100,000 “Rothschild lamb dinner.” For everyone else, our condolences: you will be forced to write fawning pieces about Hillary by your media and corporate masters, without having ever been granted an audience.