British Students Protected from Capital Letters

For generations, the sun did not set on their worldwide empire. As recently as last century, they stood firm with admirable resolve against the Nazi onslaught. Now Britons need to be protected from capital letters:

University lecturers have been told not to use words in capital letters when setting assignments because it might frighten students into failure.

This lunacy reaches us from Leeds Trinity University’s Centre for Journalism.

Course leaders say capitalising a word could emphasise “the difficulty or high-stakes nature of the task”.

The memo says: “Despite our best attempts to explain assessment tasks, any lack of clarity can generate anxiety and even discourage students from attempting the assessment at all.

Maybe someone who crouches in the corner sucking his thumb instead of doing the assignment isn’t cut out to be a journalist anyway. Then again, given that whimpering moonbattery is virtually a requirement to advance in the news media, it may be an indication that such a person would make an ideal journalist.

The memo also says that staff must be “explicit about any inexplicitness” in their assignment briefs.

It goes without saying that they should also be inexplicit about any explicitness.

While we are on the topic of the infantilization of college students,

Students at Manchester have voted to ban clapping over fears noise could trigger anxiety and suggest using “jazz hands” to show appreciation.

This will only last until they realize that jazz hands oppress the visually impaired.

On tips from Chronos Z. Wonderpig, 1-Bodhisattva, and CNNPC.

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