Moonbat Calls for Banning Campfires

If Big Government had been around in caveman days, the conquest of fire never would have been permitted. Fire results in people getting burned. Unequal access to flammable material results in inequality. Fire produces CO2 emissions, and even warms the air directly, possibly worsening the plight of the sacred man-eating polar bears. Maybe it is not too late to ban fire. A California writer wants to start with campfires, and provides a variety of arguments for forbidding them:

Pollution

Wood smoke contains fine particles of unburnt wood.

Unburnt wood is toxic.

Health Problems

Alleged effects of wood smoke include:

irritated eyes, throat, sinus, and lungs; headaches; reduced lung function; lung inflammation and swelling; increased risk of respiratory disease; more severe and frequent symptoms from existing lung diseases; increased risk of heart attack and stroke; chronic bronchitis and emphysema; cancer.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t mention anal blistering, which could be caused by inappropriate use of enticingly shaped burning pieces of wood by Persons of Politically Preferred Sexual Orientation.

Litter

Campfires leave behind charred wood, piles of ash, and blackened rocks.

No doubt this often requires that a hazmat team be dispatched. Too bad charred wood and ash are not biodegradable.

Tree Damage

Just because a tree is dead doesn’t mean you are not causing damage to living things:

Dead logs and other wood may be essential habitat for insects, birds, reptiles, and small mammals.

Never mind that refusal by moonbats to allow dead wood to be cleared is a major cause of wildfires getting out of control.

Invasive Species

Firewood that you harvest or buy can be home to invasive species…

Yet you have to bring firewood into the forest from elsewhere, lest you destroy critical habitat for termites.

Injury

There’s no national tally of campfire-related injuries, but a study in Oklahoma found that 57 people were injured and one person was killed due to campfires in a ten-year period.

Practically a holocaust.

Moonbats have already cracked down on beach bonfires on behalf of the climate and piping plovers.

Why not cut to the chase and ban fire altogether? Then we can move on to banning the wheel.

On a tip from Fabio J.

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