Toilet Paper May Be The Least Of Our Worries

For those of you looking forward to a better year when the calendar flips, there’s bad news on the horizon: the  “new strain” of COVID is sure to launch a “new panic.”

Not much is known about the so-called “new strain” of the virus, but that hasn’t stopped the ruling class from using it to their advantage.

The latest narrative, which is being used as a vector for endless amounts of COVID-19 panic and fear mongering, is related to the claim that there is a new mutation of the novel coronavirus spreading, which is claimed to be much more contagious — a claimed 70%(!) increase in transmissibility — than the original dominant variant.

Here’s the problem with that claim: it’s based solely on a single model put together by a team of epidemiologists with a track record of failure. There is no actual evidence that the new variant of the coronavirus is any more or less transmissible or deadly than previous strains…– The Dossier

Of course that won’t prevent a new round of lockdowns and other restrictions and, worst of all, another world wide toilet paper shortage. So while not new, I  present the following information on t. p. alternatives as a public service announcement, should the need arise.

Natural Toilet Paper Substitutes: Slippery elm leaves, Osage orange, and large, soft mullein leaves

Field and Stream frequently provides information needed by naturalists, hunters, hikers and outdoorsie people of all persuasions.  This particular SURVIVAL article “Six Best Toilet Paper Substitutes From Nature” may prove to be important and useful for one and all in light of what’s coming down the pike:

As I write this, Charmin, Cottonelle, and Downy Soft toilet paper, to name a few, are “currently unavailable” on Amazon. This verifies what you’ve always suspected: When things get scary in the U.S., the first thing most of us think about is pooping. The average American goes through 30 rolls of t.p. a year, which is kind of impressive but still not a reason to stock an entire wall of your basement with them. Seventy percent of the world’s population doesn’t even use bathroom tissue. They use a variety of things, including, in some countries, the left hand. I have no intention of covering that technique here.

Thank Dog!

The Vikings used old sheep wool and smooth pottery shards. They were hardy people. The Eskimos used two of the better t.p. substitutes: snow in the winter and tundra moss when it was available. Snow, incidentally, is often ranked both as one the best and one of the worst alternatives by natural-bathroom-tissue experts.

CAUTION!

“Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow” 

Did you know that there are natural-bathroom-tissue experts? I do hope some of them are employed by the CDC because we’re gonna’ need their help from now on.

So as we prepare for the next round of deprivations let’s spend a little time reviewing how we all “handled” the last, great TP shortage of 2020? Did you do any or all of the following?

• Stand in the Soviet style “bread” lines?
• Beg, borrow or steal from friends and family?
• Find other creative locavore solutions?

  No toilet paper?  Got snow? Then you’re good to go.     

• Finally “go” organic?

Join your local co-op and save even more  

I don’t want to contribute to the inevitable 2021 t. p. panic, but I do want people to be prepared. You know, in case we end up going the Venezuelan route.

Although at that point toilet paper will be the least of our worries.

Uh oh, we’re getting close