Gordon of Khartoon Falls!!!

Well, Gordon “The Sage of Swampy Acres” Epperly got the judicial heave-ho up in Alaska. We have written about Gordon before and his foolish Birther/Sovereign Citizenish antics. Links to those Internet Articles are in the notes below. Anyway, Gordon filed another one of silly cartoonish lawsuits, which got removed to Federal Court. That Court, own its own motion, threw the garbage out. Allegedly, even hungry Polar Bears are avoiding it for the odor.

In the suit, Gordon alleged that blacks and women could hold not certain offices for constitutional reasons:

The year 2010 national elections for the government of the United States have come and gone with several Woman [sic], and other individuals who are not white Citizens, having been elected or appointed into the Offices of the Congress, President, Judicial Courts, and several Executive Offices of the government for the United States of America. All these individuals are ”Usurpers of Office” for they have no “Political Privileges” (Rights) under any provision of the United States Constitution to hold a Pubic Office for the United States government under the qualification Clauses of Article I, Article II, and Article III of the United States Construction.

The question presented, since the [purported] adoption of the Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, does a Woman or any none [sic] white citizen have “Political Privileges” to be elected into or appointed into Pubic Offices of the government for the United States of America?3.

Well, it was a short and sweet little five page Order. Somebody named Jack Ryan at the Fogbow put the order on scribd, so this is a big Thank You! to him and them for putting this stuff on line.  Here is another excerpt:

Frivolous Claims

“[A] complaint . . . is frivolous where it lacks an arguable basis either in law or in fact.” “Factual frivolousness includes allegations that are clearly baseless, fanciful, fantastic, or delusional.” Moreover, “a complaint must contain sufficient factual matter, accepted as true, to ‘state a claim to relief that is plausible on its face.’“11 In conducting a review of the pleadings of a self-represented plaintiff, the court is mindful that it must liberally construe the pleadings and give the plaintiff the benefit of the doubt.  Before the court may dismiss Mr. Epperly’s case, the court must provide him with a statement of the deficiencies in the complaint and an opportunity to amend, unless it is clear that amendment would be futile. In this case, amendment would be futile. Mr. Epperly’s claims are implausible and frivolous.

This court will, therefore, dismiss this case.

Therefore, IT IS HEREBY ORDERED [DISMISSED with prejudice;]

Here is a link to the scribd page. It is short and well worth the read, to get all the nuances:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/104101833/AK-Epperly-2012-08-24-ORDER-Dismissing-Case-With-Prejudice

And here is a pdf in case you have problems getting scribd to run right:

Gordon Order

Sooo, Gordon of Khartoon must now mush off back to Swampy Acres. Pubic offices are safe for the time being. Six months of Night are coming soon, and Gordon will no doubt sit in the long winter night typing up some more nonsense to file come Spring.  If not sooner.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. This is from the 1966 movie, Gordon of Khartoum, starring Charlton Heston. I found it at this fascinating website!

http://www.occidentaldancer.com/2011/06/lisa-guiraut-in-khartoum.html

As far as me shamelessly stealing the “navel gazing” line for the Image Easter Egg, uh, uh, I am sure I would have thought of it eventually. Maybe.  Right? You believe me, don’t you? Oh. . . OK, I stole it.

Note 2. Navel Gazing. Aka omphaloskepsis: literally, the contemplation of one’s navel, which is an idiom usually meaning complacent self-absorption or excessive focus on oneself; introspection.

Note 3. Gordon of Khartoum: Wiki says:

Major-General Charles George Gordon, CB (28 January 1833 – 26 January 1885), also known as Chinese Gordon, Gordon Pasha, and Gordon of Khartoum, was a British army officer and administrator.

He saw action in the Crimean War as an officer in the British army, but he made his military reputation in China, where he was placed in command of the “Ever Victorious Army”, a force of Chinese soldiers led by European officers. In the early 1860s, Gordon and his men were instrumental in putting down the Taiping Rebellion, regularly defeating much larger forces. For these accomplishments, he was given the nickname “Chinese” Gordon and honours from both the Emperor of China and the British.

He entered the service of the Khedive in 1873 (with British government approval) and later became the Governor-General of the Sudan, where he did much to suppress revolts and the slave trade. Exhausted, he resigned and returned to Europe in 1880.

Then a serious revolt broke out in the Sudan, led by a Muslim reformer and self-proclaimed Mahdi, Muhammad Ahmad. Gordon was sent to Khartoum with instructions to secure the evacuation of loyal soldiers and civilians, and depart with them. After evacuating about 2,500 British civilians he retained a smaller group of soldiers and non-military men. As an ardent Christian evangelist he was determined to stand up to the Mahdi, his Muslim nemesis. In the build up to battle the two leaders corresponded attempting to convert the other to their respective faiths, but neither would comply. Besieged by the Mahdi’s forces, Gordon organized a city-wide defence lasting almost a year that gained him the admiration of the British public, though not the government, which had not wished to become involved (as Gordon had known before setting out). Only when public pressure to act had become too great was a relief force reluctantly sent. It arrived two days after the city had fallen and Gordon had been beheaded.

Note 5. Gordon of Khartoon:  Gordon of Khartoon, on the other hand, has not done much but be a public nuisance.  While there are no reports of decapitation, he apparently makes little use of his head.  He has earned two Internet Articles here:

http://birtherthinktank.wordpress.com/2012/02/23/yukon-jerk-says-mush-or-the-best-dang-birther-lawsuit-evah/

and,

http://birtherthinktank.wordpress.com/2012/08/05/kabloony-tunes-or-pas-de-folie-adieu/