Top 10 Secret SUPER WEAPONS by Hitler

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Secret Weapons developed SUPER style by the Nazi Party…Hitler’s technology was ahead of the time. See how big that tank is in the picture? 

The Sonic Cannon: If you were hoping for a weapon which fired sassy, tiny blue hedgehogs then prepare to be equally disappointed and frightened. In the early 1940’s Nazi engineers developed a sonic cannon that could rip you apart without you ever knowing what the hell was going on. Tubes containing methane and oxygen were ignited to pulse-detonate two parabolic dishes at around 44Hz. Following me so far? Let’s simplify it. This machine could create sound waves so aggressive they would render your kidneys, liver and spleen into a human marinara. The rapid compression and release of organ tissue and fluids barely affected the heart, stomach and intestines, but that’s no great comfort when the rest of your inside parts are rapidly dribbling out of your anus.
Unfortunately for the Nazis this weapon was far too fragile to survive even a round from a potato gun. If only they’d waited 50 years, they could’ve achieved the same effect much easier with a boombox and a playlist of Kesha tracks.

Fiesler Fi 103r Reichenberg: Throughout the war V1 rockets rained down on Europe, but only 25% hit their target. How did the ever efficient Germans increase their accuracy? 
V3 cannon: Based in Pas-de-Calais in Northern France, this giant supergun was to be used to bombard London using multi charge shells which used secondary propellants to extend their range. Imagine video-games where you get a huge mid-air boost to your jump, take that principle, but with firey boom-boom death at the end of it. 

The X-Ray Gun: The Germans researched several types of energy directed weapon with the help of the technology company Siemens, who now direct radiation into your brain far more efficiently using mobile phones. So if the Germans had radioactive laser rifles back then, why aren’t they prevalent today? 

Aggregat Rockets: The aggregate rocket family is even more destructive than that family of hicks who live two doors down and never mow their lawn. It’s most famous member was the V2 missile, responsible for 9000 deaths in three cities, and that was just the start. One of the next-generation in production was the A12, a massive upgrade capable of putting ten tonnes of payload in low earth orbit despite weighing in at 3500 tonnes fully fuelled. What was its range? Modern analysis suggests that if completed, it could have easily pounded the US mainland from a base in Europe. Making it potentially the worst European import since Piers Morgan.

The Sun Gun: If you’ve played Call of Duty or watched a few Bond films then this will look familiar. In a scheme worthy of Mr Burns the Nazis planned to create a space station mounted with a 100 metre wide mirror. But this wasn’t just a vanity project so Hitler could check out his sweet tache and parting on the go. The plan was to reflect the sun’s light into a concentrated beam of scorching heat capable of tearing through cities and armies
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The Vortex Cannon: I’m bored of firing regular old shells and bullets, said one Nazi scientist. Let’s just go mental and make a gun that fires hurricanes. Agreed mein freund. This ridiculous anti-aircraft cannon generated explosions in a combustion chamber, which were then guided down special nozzles towards their target. planes…thankfully.

Heinkel He 162: Designed and built in three months in 1944, this was actually a crowd-sourced design by the German public on an initiative set up by the Nazis to find a simple defensive aircraft that could be mass-produced. Really mass-produced…. With wooden wings and a cheap metal fuselage, around 100 were built and very few were flown successfully. So why was this crappy airplane so interesting? 

The Rat Tank: Known to Germans as the Landkreuzer (land cruiser), this 1000 tonnes beast was as huge as it was impractical…essentially it was the Kim Kardashian of World War 2. Sure, its sheer size and use of submarine technology meant it would’ve crossed rivers with ease, but it couldn’t even traverse a basic road or bridge without obliterating it. A vehicle this size travelling at only 40 mph would’ve been a sitting duck for enemy bombers…so what did Hitler do? He proposed an even heavier tank, the Monster, weighing in at 1500 tonnes. I’m beginning to think he wasn’t all that smart.

The Bell: Near the Wenceslaus mine in Germany by the Czech border was a secret Nazi facility known as The Giant. Like David Hasselhoff’s mind we don’t know what went on in there, but Polish intelligence claimed to have found something horrifying. At first glance a metallic bell-shaped object no bigger than 3 by 5 metres wouldn’t seem too intimidating. Then they found the blueprints. Inside were two counter-rotating cylinders filled with a substance similar to mercury, code named Xerum 525, in addition to various peroxides.