Civil War Vets Vote for Biden!

Dead people from all the wars of America have raised their hands to be counted, and the dead want…Joe Biden!

It is said that young people are Democrat, but that they grow more conservative as they age, and eventually become Republicans. The point, of course, is the claim that people become experienced with life, that they gain more wisdom, and this reflects in their political alliances and choices.

If this is true, that age breeds wisdom, then death must be the ultimate wisdom. Can’t get much older than dead. And in this realm Joe Biden leads the pack.

That said, consider the number of people who have voted for Joe Biden who have died in combat:

This is the actual statistic for people who have died during combat and who voted for Joe Biden.

The Civil War dead lead the pack of Biden supporters for the simple reason that more people died during the Civil War than any other war. 620,000 people died for freedom, and that over 200,000 of them went to bat for Uncle Joe shows that their concerns are real past the grave.

World War Two dead Biden supporters are next, with a healthy count of over 165,000 voters.

The remaining figures are lower, but then less people died in earlier wars because, darn it, there were less people.

It should be noted that more dead voted than died during the Korean War. Since they died in a war with communism it must be suspected that the Russians have interfered with our elections once again.

Also, there were no figures for World War Z. This is because of the landmark case before the Supreme Court in which it is argued that Zombies have the rights of living people. Once all the zombies are confirmed as truly and legally dead there will obviously be more Biden voters.

And, a final statistic: it is amazing how brilliant the dead are, for not one of them voted for Donald Trump.

This accurate satire has been presented for your edification courtesy of The Daily Neutron.