A Fidget Blanket

I had never heard of a fidget blanket until a few days ago when I was visiting my Mom in the nursing home. She has been there for about a year and a half because of her dementia. I go to see her a couple of times a week. Mom is non-ambulatory now and spends her time in a wheelchair or in bed. She is still able to feed herself, although the food is pureed because of choking.

The last time I was there she kept touching my hair and the buttons on my shirt as we ‘visited’. Mom doesn’t talk much anymore. She does say some old familiar phrases during a conversation and some of them are in the appropriate places. There are times when she tries to express something that she gets a few intelligible words out, but usually they are all nonsense words, so there is not a lot of meaningful conversation.

My career was teaching special education, most of it in the elementary grades. Interesting enough, this has probably prepared me better than anything besides a medical career, to deal with Mom’s decline. She gets an ‘evaluation’ on her performance every time I see her, comparing abilities on speech, movement, alertness, etc. When I leave each time I seek out a staff member and give them my ‘report’ of what I observed.

This is where the fidget blanket comes in. When I reported the concentration on fingering my hair, shirt and buttons to the nurse on duty, she said they had discussed how to help another resident that morning in their staff meeting, that had the need to fidget with things. They were thinking if they could provide this person with something to feel and ‘do’ that may help them be more comfortable and peaceful. The nurse pulled up these pictures on her phone.

I asked her to send them to me so I could make something for Mom. She was surprised when I said make, so I explained that I grew up sitting next to Mom at her sewing machine while she made my clothes.

 When I got home and explained the blanket to Frank, we got to work picking out fabric and items of varying textures to put on the blanket for tactile and visual stimulation. Here are some of the things we came up with.

By the way, this light that Frank put in for me is great. There just wasn’t enough light under the shelf for me, even with the light on the machine and the room overhead light. It’s great having a husband that can provide the help I need.

I put four layers of quilt batting in between two pieces of fleece for the base layer. 

 
The edges of the batting were rolled up and tacked down to make a bump or edging kind of thing around the edge.

The edges of the fleece were fringed, then the blocks were cut out and hemmed to prevent fraying. I have these small totes of sewing ‘stuff’ I have collected over the years that yielded lace, ribbon and rickrack for the block trim and to attach other items.

I went through a long time of mourning when Mom first went in the nursing home. You see, for over eight years, she lived about 200 yards away across the pasture. Her illness and the regular 60 mile round trips to the nursing home have impacted our lives in ways we never thought of or planned for really. 

When this disease started to unfold in earnest, there were serious disagreements with other family members about Mom’s help and care. Unfortunately, by my choice, some of these differences have lead to permanent disconnect with some family members.

In the effort to understand and help Mom, Frank and I have read several books on dementia and dying. We have also made plans for our own mortality. Many things have come and continue to come from this ongoing experience.

We hope to hear from others how they have, or are dealing with dementia in their loved ones. There have been many people that have told us they are so sorry we are having to go through this, and we appreciate the sympathy, very, very much. What I am hoping, through writing about this, just like about preparing for anything, is to share experiences and glean some knowledge and insight from others, because I sure don’t have many answers about this uncharted path. So, I look forward to hearing from you.

Until next time – Fern

Visit Thoughts From Frank and Fern at http://thoughtsfromfrankandfern.blogspot.com/