I Do It Anyway

Because I love to eat cookies and I hear sugar is bad for you, and I shame myself for it… probably because I’m conditioned to believe that if I’m not eating kale and drinking eight classes of water every single day then there is something wrong with me.

I do it anyway.

Because I love to spend the day binge watching my favorite series on Netflix…… I hear that makes me lazy.

I do it anyway.

Because I make spelling and grammer  mistakes all the time…. and am always corrected.

I do it anyway.

Because I sometimes wear the same thing twice, cause I love it and I know I’m being judged.

I do it anyway.

And because being who I am (a 40 something year old gay man, who writes about his most vulnerable self, works at his dining room table in his tiny home, doesn’t dress in fancy suits, wears hats at the thanksgiving table, dabbles in all different types of religions and spiritually but doesn’t agree with one of them, been mistaken for a “New Ager” but is the farthest thing from it, and at the same time loves all of it) in a world that wants to put me in a category so they can sell me, can be scary.

I do it anyway.

Because I love myself, every bit of it, especially the messy parts, cause that’s what makes me human and that’s what makes me, well, me.

And what causes me pain isn’t all that, what causes me pain is the people who want me to be different, who force feed me conditioning and who hand me a mask when I walk in the door and say “Here, this is who you’re supposed to be.”