F.O.M.O, Where did it come from and how do we heal it?

F.O.M.O, short for fear of missing out. Sound familiar?

Many of us have it, or have experienced it at some point in our lives. Perhaps you were seven and your sisters ‘took off’ on you, or twelve and your friends left you out of plans to go to the beach, seventeen and you didn’t make the team, or thirty five and friends you’ve introduced post a selfie together on instagram.

And there it is, that feeling, ‘I’m missing out’, or haven’t been included; and it makes us feel sad, unwanted, unworthy.

But where does it come from? And most importantly, how do we heal it?

From as far back as I can remember I recall the desire for connection, to be part of a group, and, what it felt like when I wasn’t included. Each of those experiences became memories, and the memories points of pain (now cues for contemplation) as I grow.

Self inquiry has been, and is, what you may call, my religion. I ask a question, and I wait for the answer, patiently, and sometimes not so patiently. But what I know for sure is that impatience creates resistance. And so the more I lean in (practice patience) the quicker the response. Sometimes it comes as whispers, and sometimes screams. But, with a lot of experience, and schooling (the hard way) in discernment. I learned to listen. You know, that thing you hear over and over again from childhood to wherever you’re standing. “Are you listening Shayne.”

I wasn’t, but I am now.

And what it’s saying to me is; you take (took) it personally and you place(d) your value in others over your-self. And until I (we) flip the ratio we will continue to experience F.O.M.O., and all the emotions that come with it.

Here’s a simple formula (at least one that works for me) to flip it:

Ask yourself the question(s) you need to uncover the root(s). What was (are) the experience(s) that hold(s) the memory(ies), that carry the pain? Where were you, who was it? What value did (do) they hold in you life? Ask yourself as many questions as you need to reveal. And wait (patiently) for the answer(s). I find. Once you find the root of something it’s easier to remove (work on).

Remind yourself that you’re the captain of this ship. The master of your destiny, and that you get to decide what and who holds value. And that Your Worthiness is Not An Outside Thing. It’s an inside one. Your value does not shift based on their desire to include or exclude you.

Say what’s on your heart (with discernment of course). Let them know how their actions (or what you perceive as) have affected you, and listen to their story. Someone once said ‘there are three sides to every story; my story, your story and the truth’ and we don’t know what we don’t know. What’s most important is that we listen and act with the light of our own awareness.

And last but certainly not least;

Surround yourself with people who’ve got your back. A true friend reflects your highest self and will never intentionally leave you out.

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