Still Alive-- Just Struggling

Hey all–

I have been continuing to write all this time, but most of it is private temporarily until I’ve caught up with the present. I’ll let everyone know when the last month or so is “opened up.” Lots of deeply personal IFS therapy and making goals for the new year and so forth.

The good news is that my tippy toe into depression seems to have halted and reversed. Very slowly but steadily, so I think I’ll be good on that front soon.

The bad news is that my health has hit “tilt” and I’ve been swamped with fatigue flare after fatigue flare. Last year, it was pain flares that dropped me in my tracks, but that CAN be treated. Fatigue, on the other hand–? No cure but waiting it out and NOT being stupid and pushing myself while in one or just coming out of one.

It is very hard, as I am an ambitious woman despite my disabilities and struggle not to jump to do things as soon as I feel even a little better. Then I pay for it by a flare twice as long as the first one.

Point being, I’m spending some days in bed or slumped in a chair, awake but so exhausted that going to the bathroom or making myself a meal can be so difficult I’m waiting until my bladder is full to bursting to move, and I’m only eating a meal a day. (I’m not even that hungry, so… meh!) I’m too tired to even type at my laptop, so we’re talking DEEP fatigue of a very debilitative kind, rather like how people feel when they have the flu and are sick for two weeks. THAT is what this feels like. I often have mild to medium fatigue flares, and even medium I can write in spurts– but not what I’ve had the last few days! 

I ask for patience. I’ll be back- hopefully soon. And like I said, I’ve been writing sporadically all this time, so there will be stuff to read. There are just more gaps this winter.