Death & Sex & Change

I’m okay. Just thinking about things…

And there’s lots to think about, obviously, and the whole Covid thing shifts a little when someone you actually care about dies from it. That they died from it needlessly after vaccines came out ranks another whole level of cognitive dissonance. People are putting their lives at risk for a cultural standard that brooks no deviation.

Speaking of which–! On the other side of that is this weird patronizing of anyone who deviates from the standard race/sex/gender/orientation to the point of requiring new norms for language so scrutinized that the slightest moment of forgetfulness relegates one to the dustbin of current culture! Frustrating, that! I have always championed what were once labeled deviants. If you’re not hurting anyone, let your freak flag fly, I say! But it’s getting more and more difficult to keep up with all the “other” categories that keep popping up. Once, I would have been labeled a mere “romantic” but now (and I’m not kidding) I’m a cis pan-romantic hetero-leaning demi-sexual. That means I can fall in love with anyone, regardless of gender (though falling in lust is another thing, and there I prefer men) and I only get sexually interested in people I’ve fallen in love with already and would never do a “one night stand” for mere lust and fun.

Between that extreme “othering” of so many people being a THING and then the race consciousness (which, admittedly, is needed) on top of the entire re-thinking work-life balance so many are going through now and the ongoing rotating shortages–! There’s a lot to juggle while simultaneously dealing with the realities of a pandemic.

I suppose I can understand that it’s all too much change from one point of view. Hell, I’m a Type 4 with a 5 wing and I feel overwhelmed by all the drama and change! If I feel that way, the more conservative traditionalists must be pissing themselves! But the reactive rebellious temper tantrums I’ve seen are more bewildering to me than the silly virtue signaling by all those heavily invested in identity politics.

The one thing that is clear to me right now is that this pandemic and all the things happening within it’s context, like the George Floyd protests and the scrutiny of police culture and the continuation of the ‘me too’ movement and re-thinking work, are a sign of a massive cultural shift on many different fronts. We’ve done things the same way for far too long and everyone is tired of it. The pandemic made us look at everything with new eyes from an altered mindset. Everyone, from red areas to blue, is realizing that they are UNHAPPY in a profound way. Their reasons for being so may be different or the same, but many are sick of being disrespected, by their employers, by their society, and by the government. And they are showing that more obnoxiously (whether on the left or right side) because that’s the only way for their unhappiness to be truly acknowledged and maybe alleviated someday.

Tami moved to Texas and then Arkansas because she was tired of being a conservative in a liberal area. She felt that her concerns were shunted to the side. Paying high taxes while people who didn’t work as hard got breaks made her angry. Her husband worked as a middle school teacher for 30 years and was happy to retire because he wasn’t allowed to give bad grades or to discipline his students anymore. Tami and her husband saw a culture become pandering to the “losers” in life while their contributions were scoffed at and denigrated. They didn’t like Trump, but they sympathized with his followers and they believed that the tough and strong should prevail, not realizing that they weren’t always going to be tough and strong themselves.

Unfortunately, those in power got all of us screaming at each other instead of at THEM: the ones in real power who actually make our lives so difficult. That trick always breaks down eventually, and the guillotines and firing squads will be the next step. They can be smart and capitulate to some concessions like they did in the 50s and 60s to help people out and pay their own fair share. But this lot of billionaires and power brokers seems especially self-centered and short-sighted, so I’m thinking their lives may very well end violently. Not my wish, just my prediction.

I’m okay, but I feel distinctly strange now. I’m resigned to the coming cultural contortions and societal shifts– and I’m hoping I was ahead of it enough to ride it out comfortably, but the world outside doesn’t stop affecting us here at Heron Hold. I am trying not to let myself get too freaked out. Mostly I keep it together, but it’s so difficult to focus to work on my projects that I know I’m not so okay under the surface. I’m waiting for the next lightning strike and the following roll of thunder.