A Talk About Tribe & the Dark Future w/ Reese, Sleep & Rhonda

[Icon is of Reese]

When last we saw our Oregon friends, Cat and I were hurt and rather surprised that Reese mentioned they might move to the Oregon coast instead of up here closer to us when Rhonda’s divorce is done and they have a down payment for property.

Reese & Sleep already agreed to move with or beside Rhonda and her two teenage kids, pooling resources and work, and just figuring out how to go forward in the future together because doing the nuclear family thing wasn’t an option anymore. It’s too difficult these days to make it and have a decent house or decent life with one or two incomes. And if you’re disabled, like Rhonda’s kids, it’s impossible. What kind of future will they have? Their solution was to go in on things together. Reese & Sleep benefit from the sale of Rhonda’s house and that crucial down payment money, and she gets their considerable help in working land and fixing/maintaining houses.

They were partly inspired by what they saw us doing at Heron Hold. Cat and I moving in together, planning for my sister’s future home here, and then having other roomies to help with expensive living. Not to mention hosting “work parties” that double as mutual therapy sessions afterwards! It came about partially as my method to survive being disabled myself. I can’t support myself alone, but it’s possible to rent space in a larger house and live decently even on a very frugal budget if I can manage to get along with the somewhat eccentric mildly autistic friend of mine who dreaded living alone.

So… I decided to talk about what I saw coming in the future, and the hope Cat and I have for their becoming a part of our “tribe” and moving much closer to us, so we can help each other out as we ride the slide into Decline together. I honestly don’t think we can do it for much longer with them commuting hundreds of miles from Portland to the Kitsap Peninsula once every month or two. I genuinely believe that the world will shortly be getting much bigger and harder to navigate.

We like that Kathy having kids on the spectrum means they “get it” about my best friend Cat and sister Erica. There is mutual aid to be had there! And Reese and Sleep both love outdoor work, when Cat and I can be pretty limited for that. Cat has financial resources, and is only eleven years away from paying off Heron House. I’m really good at planning and bringing people together. Rhonda is endlessly patient, which is great because my own can run out, and it would be great to have that emotional back-up.

And– “Decline”– the slip and slide out of all the perks of the American Empire… I foresee the United States of America becoming fascist, and perhaps areas of Europe as well. I think we’ll have more wars and other issues that affect trade and the economy. Climate change is hitting us harder and faster than any worst case scenarios of even the most pessimistic of climate scientists, who failed to understand the many effects that exacerbate global warming (like methane blow-outs from the ocean and permafrost melting, or the change to cloud cover over much of the world). I said that I expect short-term emergencies on the regular, and long-term a decline in services and options across the board.

It’s clear we’re all good people who trust each other. Rather than face a scary future white-knuckling it alone or in tiny family units, can we make it official that we’ll ride this crazy train together and be a little less scared about all of it?

I had notes and everything! It provoked all kinds of discussion, and — yeah, Reese, Sleep, and Rhonda all agreed it was the best option, and they really want to move up here. They weren’t sure we would welcome that, but knowing that we really do– they are on board. They knew a couple of other people who would benefit from a “tribal arrangement” and so do I. (I’m thinking Paradigm & Amara in particular.) The only rule is that we have to be kind and fair to one another, and help one another out when needed and for fun of course! (RPG and board gaming! SCA! Pirate & Renn Faires and ghost hunting and who knows what else?!) Having an extended family of sorts is also all about fun and celebrations, and less isolation. Isolation is deadly in the long-term, and just plain miserable in the short term. Why suffer through that when you don’t have to?

We’ll have at least 2 separate “Holds” or family land areas for housing and gardening. Cat’s Heron Hold with myself, my sister, and eventually at least one more person, maybe two. And then a piece of land with two houses for Reese, Sleep, and Rhonda. A Special Care Mobile Home is likely for both Erica and Xander, Rhonda’s autistic son. For them, it will take time to find land with at least one house already on it, and then build or move more onto the land, so Reese & Sleep may well be renting a place in the meantime, but they’d still be near-by and on hand. Others who join later may well wish to buy their own house or piece of land and simply participate in the tribe as a back-up and social group. Which is perfectly fine! But we’re feeling this out as we go here…

Sleep made a point a couple of times of saying “Thank you!” for my presentation and for asking if we could all agree on this idea officially. He said he’s had a very bad feeling about the near future (let alone the far future!) for over two decades now, and he’s super relieved that I can see it and I’m thinking of strategies for how to face it and come out the other end more or less unscathed.

We can’t afford to immigrate, and where would we go anyways? The same issues here in America are facing Canada, Europe… our gun issue is WAY out of control here, but we all share one planet and it’s not really possible to escape that, though I’m willing to run if things get crazy bad.

Rhonda is just worried about her ASD kids and doesn’t want to age alone with that gargantuan responsibility. Reese is more relaxed about it, but has no argument that together is better than alone. She really LIKES helping her friends (and WE in turn need to support her, because she’s incredibly giving and we don’t want her to burn out!) So… yeah… we can all see the benefits of this thing where we take family and non-family and blend it together and make something like an extended family– only we cut the crazies and the assholes OUT of it!

Everyone also liked the idea of calling it a “Tribe” too! That’s the best word for it I’ve found, and apparently everyone agrees.