Pot-addled hillbilly comes up with fool-proof plan for retirement income

The best job I ever had was when a pot grower of my acquaintance hired me to prune buds one October many years ago. Ten bucks an hour, cash. Me and half a dozen other “employees” sat there with scissors all day cutting the buds off the stacks of plants piled up throughout his rented farmhouse, and at the end of the day I had a really good buzz, plus a hundred bucks, plus whatever amount of bud happened to fall into my pockets in the course of the day, plus the cannabis resin I was able to scrape off the soles of my shoes when I got home.

Best job I ever had. Too bad it only lasted a day.

Fast forward twenty-five years or so, and I’m sitting at the Teviotdale Truck Stop this a.m. having the Teviotdale Breakfast Special (three eggs easy over, two generous slabs of peameal bacon, a nice thick slice of ham, a couple of sausages, and a generous serving of stove-top fried potatoes for twelve bucks) and getting caught up with my old pal Kipling, and we’re both at an age where sooner or later you gotta talk about retirement.

So I share my plan with Kipling. I’ve got an old pickle jar half full of pot seeds, I tell him. I’ve also got a hundred acres off the beaten path. What could go wrong?

Well, he says, if those pot seeds are more than two or three years old, they’re no good.

Huh?

That’s kinda bad news for me. I’ve been counting on that seed stash as a supplement to my retirement income. So I mention this story to him. If scientists can resurrect a 32,000 year old Silene Stenophylla
seed discovered in the wilds of the Siberian tundra, a jar of pot seeds that’s been in my pantry for twenty years should be a piece of cake!

Kipling isn’t buying it. He’s way better informed about weed science than I am, so I tend to defer to his expertise. Then he tells me that the seeds he had the best luck with last year were seeds he bought over the internet for $18.

Each. He paid eighteen dollars PER SEED!

WTF?!?!

Needless to say, a lightbulb went off in my head. People pay eighteen bucks a seed over the internet? I bet I’ve got 20-30 thousand seeds in that jar! I’ll maybe undercut the established seed purveyors by a couple bucks per seed just to get the jump on them. And maybe institute a twenty seed maximum for any seed order, mainly because nobody’s gonna bother driving all the way up here to demand their money back if they’re only out a couple hundred bucks.

If the seeds germinate, I’m golden!

But if they don’t, I’m still golden! It’s a classic win-win!

One way or the other, I figure there’s enough cash in that jar to put a decent Grady-White on the water!