Canadian military announces "Operation Absence"

Canadian Defense Minister Harjit Sajjan announced yesterday that our peacekeeping mission to Mali, Operation Presence, will continue indefinitely.

The mission, begun a year ago, saw 250 CF personnel and Canada’s entire fleet of eight helicopters in the African country to deliver peace, development, and prosperity.

CF spokesperson Colonel Wanda Dunkelwasser elaborated on Sajjan’s announcement in a media backgrounder; “Our analysts have determined that over the past year, our contribution to bringing peace, development, and prosperity to Mali has been precisely zilch. Nada. Bupkis. We subsequently further determined that we could find considerable efficiencies in our peacekeeping mission by withdrawing our personnel and our helicopters. Going forward, our peacekeeping mission will be known as Operation Absence.”

On the same day that Minister Sajjan was updating the public on our peacekeeping mission, Foreign Affairs Minister Christia Freeland shocked the UN by revealing that “Neo-Nazis, white supremacists, ‘incels,’ nativists, and radical anti-globalists” threaten the stability of the civilized world.

Alas, she was not referring to those smelly, basement-dwelling, maladapted, twenty-somethings playing kill-em-all video games eighteen hours a day. In her leadership role with the Lima Group, working to free Venezuelan women and girls and resources from the grip of their elected dictator, Ms. Freeland has gained invaluable insights into the psyches of white supremacists like Mikes Pence and Pompeo.

When Freeland talks Neo-Nazis, we’d do well to pay attention.