US launches air strikes against IKEA

(satire?)

The US has stepped up its war against the radical home furnishings group, IKEA, launching air strikes on targets in its retail division for the first time.

The Pentagon press secretary, rear admiral John Kirby, confirmed that the US and allied nations sent fighter jets, bomber aircraft and Tomahawk missiles in an operation against IKEA stores and depots that he described as “ongoing”.

Tensions have been increasing between the west and the retailing conglomerate since shocking reports of the Swedish home products company brutal treatment of home furnishings were exposed.

In a speech, President Obama accused the organisation of being a threat to western interests, with an aggressive expansionist plan by the furniture giant to create a pine furnishings caliphate in which all furnishings will be forced to conform to its extremist brand of light-coloured, bland wooden furniture

IKEA leaders have responded with videos and photographs of horrific displays of rooms decorated with cheap self-assembly furnishings and threatened a massive retaliation of flat-pack pine products on any country supporting military action against it.

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