At the End of the Day

 It warms the cockles of my avowedly feminist heart to see how – after many decades of male supremacist monopolism – the door-to-door brush salesperson sector is now wide open to women of both the highest and lowest social position. It is indeed a tribute to our Prime Minister that she is leading the way on such an unreservedly laudable example of social engineering.

For many decades, this most sought-after of occupations remained the sole property of feckless rapists revelling in the predatory opportunities offered by traipsing round damp streets day after day in the hope of seducing bored housewives tied to the oven by controlling men. But now, Theresa May is turning this last bastion of male exploitation into Britain’s fastest growing sector. One can only stand back and admire her spunk.

Whenever a Parliament infected with the malign influence of macho turns down the perfectly reasonable (and, I might add, skillfully negotiated) Brexit Withdrawal on a String Deal obtained by Mrs May, she smiles that winning smile, places a selection of household appliances in a panier, and then gets on her bike selling door-to-door from Berlin to Frankfurt via Paris.

Day after day, she knocks on those locked doors in all weathers, only to receive the inevitable “Not today thank you” response over the entryphone from her loyal customers in Europe. Who else among our legislators, I ask, is displaying such head-banging British pluck in this, our hour of existential need?

God bless Theresa, for she (and she alone) still has faith in her lead product, the Backstop Brush – guaranteed to sweep all tell-tale signs of EU armies under the carpet. Sadly, even regular clients like Wannsee housewife Geli Mirakle, Belgian carpet bomber Guy Berghofrite and French tranny make-up artist Emmanuelle Macrony prefer to have such things out in the open.

Even if she is daft, disloyal, devious and deranged, Our Theresa does not deserve the opprobrium being dumped upon her hermetically sealed head by hardline extremists hell-bent on sticking rigidly to a ridiculous democratic decision which was and remains a terrible mistake made by idiots under-educated during ten years of Blairian misrule.

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In that context, it is good to see the Labour Party retreating with commendable maturity from the sound of gunfire.

“We hold it as an immutable principle,” said the MP for Beijing South and Shadow Minister for Guardian Subscriptions Che Mindefer, “that we are not going to challenge this foul May clique with a No Confidence vote until we are absolutely sure we can win. The last thing we want is the Tories strengthened by surviving such a vote…..we would much rather they went from strength to strength by being kept in power by the cowardice of Tory backbenchers”.

So there you are. Even in Corbynista Labour, fear of failure triumphs over brave principles. These are the kind of grounded tactics that British voters have come to admire, and to which our legislators are comfortably addicted.

I’m sure we can all retire to bed tonight reassured by that reality.