The Twattering Classes

I hope you will welcome this return of an old Slog favourite. It is merely one more attempt to hammer home just how bad things are.

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We begin tonight’s dysfunctionally epic selection with this contribution to antisocial media from “Liberal Democrat” Vinny Livewire:

It’s a masterclass in how to lose friends and alienate people. For according to Vincent Cabdriver, the majority of British voters are nutters. This represents standard analysis among Leftlibbers, based on the tried and found very severely wanting Soviet contention that If You Are Not With Us, You are Mad.

The Strictly Ballroom silver-tongued devil leaves us all guessing, however, on the meaning of his ‘Hancock may be a serious challenge’ hypothesis. A serious challenge to whom, we ask – LibDem eurolust, the other Conservative hopefuls, or himself?

Matt Hancock may be many things, but he is not going to be Tory leader this time around. Roughly fifteen years later than the intelligent online commentariat, oor Mattha does indeed seem to have realised that “wellbeing may be better than economic growth”, but Flatt MattCock lacks the charismatic scrotal sac content to be believable. Which, if your cock has been flattened, is surely a consequential reality.

Let us segue now into the double life of Labour MP Emily Thornberry, whose tweets are never less than a series of conflicting virtue signals. Earlier in the week, Ms Dangleberry was in Northern France being profoundly moved by meeting people who had fought real Nazis, as opposed to the digital ones imagined by Owen Jones. And then she put this one out there:

Fab new Lisa Forbes has rather disturbing form when it comes to standard-issue Corbynista anti-Semitism. Her victory is largely explained by a 64% postal vote – as opposed to the 48% turnout on the day….a disparity that often causes scumfascistbigotracist swine like me to wonder why so many impoverished Labour voters were away elsewhere on a gap year or well-pensioned cruise….and thus had no alternative but send their choice via the packet steamer to dear old Blighty.

‘It was a tough campaign, but when we are united we are unstoppable’ tweets the woman talking about a Party that is united in the same sort of way that Manchester is on the subject of football. As they say in Ireland, “Vote early and often”.

Menwhile back in the rat race, slimmed down and newly green BoJo is obviously deeply concerned about our oceans:

His obsession is in stark contrast to the approach he took to air emissions in London, whereby highly pollutive gaseous vapours emitted by his chum Tim Yeo’s taxis were preferred to the perfectly acceptable ones already being used by the capital’s cabbies. I suspect that Boris’s worries on the subject of 90% of big fish like him disappearing may have something to do with his antipodean benefactor Rupert Murdoch’s current SkyNews PR campaign on the subject of oceanic plastic.

But the bit in this Johnson emission I particularly enjoyed was the reference to the protection of ‘4 million square metres of ocean in our beautiful overseas territories’. It represents a somewhat hazy use of the personal possessive pronoun, but more particularly suggests that the bits not coloured pink can go to hell in a handcart for all he cares.

Perhaps I am being a little harsh. Nevertheless, what Sloggers value about this site is its anal commitment to every double standard in public life being given an equal bashing. And it does seem to me that, whereas BoJo enjoys 580,000 followers, he is only following 490 real people. That’s a 3%ish relationship that nags at my sense of fairness on the transmit versus receive dimension.

Further down the food chain, we arrive at the UK Green Party and its leading advocate, Caroline Lucas:

The ever-inclusive “our” word in this tweet tells the discerning observer what the world today is really about. It involves mainly a desire to belong in a flock of belief where facts are as nothing compared to the LoveNotHate assertion that all would be well if only we signed up for the Obedience Course. ‘Yes to Europe, No to Climate Chaos’. And what’s more, let’s build a more sustainable, open and beautiful Europe to Remain in.

That’ll be the beautiful European Union that is open mainly to neoliberal globalists, hedge funds, and Sheeple dupes…but closed to those who can think for themselves about the enormous complexity of the ecosphere we inhabit, and the importance of contrarian views in the genuinely scientific debate that exists beyond Caroline Lucas and her Master’s Degree in, um, English.

The same European Union, in fact, that impoverished ClubMed in order to save banks busy investing in the massive pollution and citizen rights abuses of régimes from Venezuela and Argentina to China and Indonesia.

And finally, we have this one:

Just a tad too much exaggeration in that tweet? But I’m really not trying to take the piss, because actually, this lady’s stuff is a tragic comment on our culture. I urge you to read her output at Misery Highlight.