An Eco-Straw Kills

Live by enviromoonbattery and you may die by enviromoonbattery. In Britain, Elena Struthers-Gardner has been killed by her own eco-straw:

A retired jockey died when she fell onto an eco-friendly metal drinking straw that went through her eye and impaled her brain, an inquest heard [Monday].

Elena Struthers-Gardner, 60, suffered horrific brain injuries after the freak accident at her home in Broadstone in Poole, Dorset on November 22.

The 10-inch straw was fixed in place in a mason jar with a screwed-on lid, making it deadly.

We are supposed to use inconvenient and potentially unhygienic metal straws because plastic straws have been condemned as offensive to the environment. Virtue-signaling Hollyweirdos and CNN anarchocommunist black nationalist Van Jones will tell you with a straight face that Americans throw away 500,000,000 straws per day. This number was fabricated by a 9-year-old kid.

Many of the straws are eaten by sea creatures, displacing their innards so that their insides consist of nothing but discarded straws. No really, I learned that from a moonbat in Santa Barbara, where providing customers with drinking straws has been made punishable with jail time.

Ever at the vanguard of coercive moonbattery, Britain has banned plastic straws effective next April.

Some might suspect the metal straw wasn’t responsible for Ms Struthers-Gardner’s demise after all. They might suspect vodka.

In the months leading up to her death, she had been drinking around half a litre of vodka a day, mixed with orange juice, from the mason jar cup, using the metal straws which were a birthday gift.

However, the coroner says alcohol did not contribute to the fall.

Due to severe pain from [a] riding accident, which caused multiple fractures to Mrs Struthers-Gardner’s lumbar spine and caused scoliosis, she was prone to falling over, collapsing ‘like a sack of potatoes’ at random intervals, her wife added.

Yes, that read “her wife.”

Reading a statement to the inquest, Robin Struthers, Mrs Struthers-Gardner’s brother, called for the coroner to comment on how easy it is to purchase metal straws, adding: ‘These straws can very easily be lethal.’

I think I know what comes next after the British ban knives (see here, here, and here).

On a tip from Steve T.

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