Nancy Pelosi Tells CNN Whether She’ll Run for President — ‘People Ask Me All the Time’

Here’s something great to think about, everybody: Nancy “Armageddon” Pelosi (here, here, and here) told CNN Monday that people ask her “all the time” why she hasn’t run for president of these Pelosi-lovin’ United States.

Just imagine: all the glorious things she’s done for the country while in Congress, she could do for you and me from the Oval Office.

Well, that’d be after you’d all been the victims of “collateral damage” because you don’t agree with her (see here). But what’s a little bit of fascistic taxes and suffering when we’re talking about the utopian prospect of President Pelosi?

According to Nancy, the most important issues in the U.S. are gay marriage, gun safety, and climate change. Odd that one of the most pressing matters is how people “scratch it if it itches, even if it’s in their britches.” And that last one is especially perplexing — the most important business of a country’s government  is to address things possibly happening somewhere between the planet and outer space? What is this — a Godzilla movie?

Odd choice.

Nevertheless, a whole lot of people are jonesing for her to make that choice in a big way, as Leader of the Free World.

At the CNN CITIZEN conference, Dana Bash asked about it:

“That’s one thing you’re not going to run for, right? President?”

Nancy said…

Actually, pour yourself a drink and enjoy this — I recommend the mid-90’s exceptional pure-cane-sugar delight of Royal Crown Draft, though you may only be able to find it these days in New Zealand, Australia, Thailand, and Tajikistan. But for all you Tajik red-staters, feel free to partake…

Okay, here we go. Talk to us, Nancy:

“People ask me all the time, ‘Why haven’t you run for president?’ I love the legislative process — I really do. No, I’m not going to run for president.”

Thank God. I was sorta thinking something stronger might more aptly lay the chemical groundwork to go over her response. But all’s good. Except:

“I’m trying to promote Jerry Brown to do it.”

Okay; now I’m back to the sauce. But:

“[H]e’s not taking the bait.”

Shew.

As you were, Despicables.

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