Why do some tragedies happen?

It took me a very, very long time to figure out why things went the way it did in my life. I couldn’t understand how or why a loving God could allow lightning to strike my home and take the lives of 3 my children… for starters…  than to allow my ex to take advantage of the situation and get away with everything he did for as long as he did even after the loss of my children.  I certainly couldn’t understand why an all knowing God couldn’t or didn’t stop it all before it even started. Needless to say, I was so messed up from the situation that it changed my whole way of thinking, my views of people, the world and God.  Now, I don’t have all the answers but at least now I have a deeper understanding of what was really going on. Of course, just like Job I had those types of friends, (if that’s what you want to call them). You know the type that say, “God abandoned you, he turned his back, and it was punishments, it was because when your ex left you for the other woman so it opened to the door for evil to run.”

I heard it all… trust me. I was really upset because I couldn’t understand, knowing God’s word and knowing God knew how much my kids and I loved, served, worshipped and adored him why he would do or allow something like this. I felt God was responsible because whether he did it or allowed it, it didn’t matter beccause there was so much death and destruction, the damage was done and the results were so devastating.   So, why would a loving God who knows how much we loved and adored him would allow so many bad things that were beyond our control to take place in a person’s life who loves God so much.  I couldn’t understand how God can allow so much destruction and not do anything to stop it from happening or fix it once it happened.  I spent years in such a deep depression and I lost all interest in life because I felt my life was over and that I was used up.  I was thinking and feeling things that I never would have before.

When God brought me and my husband Robbi Spencer together, I was still messed up in my thinking and in my beliefs although I still loved God.  I felt like God didn’t feel the same for me because he allowed more bad stuff in my life that was beyond my control than the good stuff that had taken place and that is just honest, and God knows it. My husband Robbi is very knowledgeable and listens to the spirit when he speaks.  He was helping me, talking with me, praying for me and showing me that God doesn’t hate or dislike me, because that’s how I was feeling inside because of the loss of my children and the hell that followed for years.  It certainly didn’t help when I looked at my life knowing it was mostly abuse, pain, and suffering… I really felt abandoned by God and I began to think that maybe I did something to God before I was born because he allowed more bad stuff to happen in my life than good. Things were really weighing in and it was definitely not in God’s favor if you know what I mean.

As you all know, Satan is the accuser of the brethren who stands 24/7 accusing us before God. But… did you know…  He is also the accuser of God. He accuses God of doing this and doing that to us all the time. Let me explain, when something bad happens he says, God did it, God allowed it, God is punishing you, blah, blah blah and the excuses go on and on and so as the enemy continues to tell you these things knowing that in time, if you do know realize it’s him, you begin perceive what he’s telling you as your own thoughts and so you begin feel it.  The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy hoping it causes a ripple effect that will destroy you and anyone in its path. Even if it means that ripple spreads out to your family or even to God.  Just like a 5 year old who tattles, he did this and she did that… but, none of course, which is true because there is no truth in the enemy.  Even though a person may say, I love God but or God is sovereign but he allowed this, or didn’t stop this from happening or he took my kids, or took my dad when I needed him most, or he took my husband or wife or anything like that.  That means, they may still have a heart for God but battling out the final outcome of the relationship. They may love God but they may not be so sure the feeling is mutual.

Am I still messed up? Yeah, sure but who wouldn’t be? The death of 3 of your own children is not something you ever get over, but you learn to adapt and knowing that you will see them again because they are no longer just a part of your past, but now a part of your future because you will see them again. Anyone who tells you to get over it or forget about it obviously has no clue about life, love and loss.  After an event so traumatic you can never get over it because they were a part of you, your flesh and bones and yes… you’re going to hurt. But in time you learn to adapt.   I’m not as bad as I was as far as my thoughts, beliefs and view on things, people or God. Sure, I’m still cautious and a little hand shy but it’s getting better as God continues to reveal himself more to me… gently…  I feel as though I am learning God all over again and find myself taking baby steps TO God instead of running FROM him. At one time I would rush into the arms of God but because of everything that happened in my life I began running from him, out of fear.  Oh yes, I had fear of the Lord, but it wasn’t a healthy respect type of fear. It was more of a paranoid fear thinking and feeling God would take out someone in my life, hurt me again or my other kids if I didn’t do this or that…. and things like that. Yeah, I was really messed up.

When things of a serious nature happen some people begin to feel as though God doesn’t care or love them. When these thoughts continue for years it begins to make God your enemy although you may not be realizing it because you you may love God but you feel like he didn’t care enough to stop it from happening. Although it may not be your intention on your part to make God your enemy, it happens because of the emotions you may feel or have felt for so many years because of what you were forced to endure.  You love God, so how did these emotions come in? The emotions came in when the enemy took advantage of the situation and began telling you, whether in your thoughts or through other people that God allowed it or he didn’t care.  Yes, God is sovereign and it is not his will that any perish but all to come to the knowledge of God.

You have to put things into perspective and step outside of yourself and ask, would he destroy you and your family for no reason? No. God loves EVERYONE!! God doesn’t set out to destroy lives. He makes it clear when he said; I have come that you may HAVE life and have it more abundantly.  It is the enemy who roams seeking whom he may destroy, not God. People and spirits all have a free will. God may tell someone don’t do this, or don’t do that… it doesn’t mean they will listen.  How many kids do things behind their parents back after being told not to? Same concept! Just because it was done, doesn’t mean God allowed it. He most likely told them no or not to but they chose to do it anyway. It took this writer until now to realize that.

All that time I was wondering how could God allow this… I never knew then that God may not have allowed it, more than likely he told them not to do it, but they, whether people or spirits chose to do otherwise.  Now, before you get your feathers in a ruffle, think about it. God gave all a free will. That is why Satan fell along with those who chose to go against God with him. It was free will. God gave all (people and spirits) free will so we can love and worship him with all our hearts. What joy would there be if there were no free will and we were all robots? There would be no love and God is love!  Making sense now? Job did nothing wrong and look what God brought him through. Same for Joseph, he did nothing wrong. Both men experience hardship and hardache but God brought them through. They may have even felt the same things mentioned above but God is faithful. He will not abandon you, regardless of how it may look, seem or feel or how long it lasts. He will bring you to the other side. Just trust him because he is trusting you.

I know that everyone has their own beliefs as to whether God exists or not…. That’s Awesome!  Just keep this in mind, God loves you whether you love him or not or believe in him or not. I pray in Jesus name that he reveals himself to you.  Now, you can say, I don’t believe that way!  Hey, that’s cool because I’m not praying this based on your faith or beliefs, I pray this based on mine!  Just a piece of my heart to yours.